So many times I'll be in the shower or driving in the car, and my mind will draft a post, but then I dry off, or get home, and life gets in my way of actually typing it out! Most of my free time for writing in the last 6 weeks was devoted to finally finishing my Womens' Catholic bible study that I have been planning and drafting for 3 years! Thanks to my awesome Bible babe buddies (ha ha), who graciously agreed to test it out for me, its almost done! Just some edits, and a leader's guide, and God willing someone will be interested in publishing it!!
The other little matter taking my time would be our precious new daughter!! Faith continues to challenge us daily, amaze us hourly, and fill our hearts with love every minute!! I can not believe its only been 3 months, I know that is a cheesy line, but its so true. More and more I feel like she's been with us since the day of her birth, I often can not even remember life without her - -except I think my back ached a little less (more reason to thank God for not asking me to carry and deliver our 3 child!).
Days in the Gingras house are crazier than before, but we'll take it!! I am so grateful I am able to be here with her (and the boys), it is an incredible blessing! One thing I hadn't expected, but happily love is all the cuddle, holding time she'd require. I often wonder if she looks for this holding/cuddling time because it was something she was used to in her Foster family (they were both retired - including the spoiling Foster Dad, or if she never had it and is just eating it up. I honestly can't speculate either way but am so grateful for it. It is what I dreamed of, a little girl that loves me, and wants to be with me - a far cry from those first 2 weeks. That is the good part, the hard part is the time -- I am already organizational challenged!! So my to do list is growing longer, but to see her thrive is worth every undone project!!
So what is the little squid up to ... LOTS! As Kevin blogged she now has glasses, which explained to much to me -- why she wasn't sitting for books, or staying focused when I was doing vocabulary type ASL lessons with her. Why she liked to write (aka scribble) but never seemed to LOOK at what she was doodling on the paper!! I have seen small improvements since the glasses, and I am sure as she gets used to them, and we do these activities more and more will have more cooperation from her -- again this is the issue of forgetting she's only been here for 3 months!! My expectations are definitely skewed!! I have bought her more 'baby' type toys realizing that the skills children gleam from playing with those, are essential to learning. I also realized she missed out having those things, so she now has interlocking beads and a busy box, and I can tell from the amount of time she spends with it, it was money well spent. She is also very into her cash register (anything with buttons to push!!), her Doodle Pro (thanks the generosity of Isabel!) and playdoh. I LOVE watching her discover and learn -- she is so easy to occupy so that the boys and I can do our lessons together. However, when not occupied she is velcroed to one of us!!
The challenges so far have been trying to communicate emotions and non-concrete ideas -- such as its gross to pick your nose, runny away from us as soon as we let go of your hand in a public place is dangerous, and Mommy is a germaphobe so don't lick counters at the Build a Bear, don't expect to play with toys at the doctor's office, and expect to have your hands covered in hand sanitizer before and after (and sometimes during) every outing outside the house!! I did teach her the signs for "dirty", "dangerous", "careful", "share", "wait your turn", I am not completely sure the meanings have taken hold. But that's part of the process, we have to consider her language that of a infant or toddler, they take years to get the meanings, make connection and spontaneously return conversation, she will follow that same pattern. I do give her credit for what she's accomplished in 3 months!! She can tell us her basic needs - hunger, tissue, potty, bed, etc. As far as teaching emotions, I accidently stumbled across something -- Kevin taught her this game of going for a kiss and then pulling away as a joke. Which I Hated!! I know strong word, but oh I would just want this quick kiss, and have to play the game!! So, I started signing that it made me sad, when she would deny my kiss, and when she did finally kiss me I'd sign that it made me happy. In a few days, SHE HERSELF would add those signs to the game (saving Dad lol), and helping us start to develop emotion understanding!! It is cool, so now she can relate to sad and happy !!
My next writing project is this adoption story, including as I mentioned a few months ago the back story of how God brought us to this point. Just need to tackle the taxes this week, and then will be writing - hope that you will continue to check back as amazing as having her is, what God did in the 2 years leading up to this moment was amazing ... I still awe at the fact that He allowed us to be part of that (this) story!!
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Anybody still read this thing?
Well, if you are Faith needed glasses. On Feb 5th Allison took her to the eye doctor and they did some dilation thing and based on how light reflected in her eyes were able to determine she can't see very well close up!
That night and a trip to Lensecrafters later she has glasses now, rather thick lensed ones!
That night and a trip to Lensecrafters later she has glasses now, rather thick lensed ones!
I honestly didn't think she could get any cuter but alas, they actually make her cuter!
She does well keeping them on since she can now see while wearing them. They do need to be cleaned several times per but that's ok, at least she's pushing them back on her tiny nose!
Monday, January 11, 2010
Birthday Girl
Just a quick post about Faith's first birthday with us. It was actually rather uneventful. We put her to bed at 8:30 , she was wiped out from a busy weekend, and I looked at Kevin and realized we never GAVE her our birthday gifts!! We got home from an sleepover in time for her nap, then we woke her in time to head to Mass, then Ihop for a very late dinner, and home in time for bed again LOL. So basically her 4th birthday was spent eating and sleeping, and a little God tossed in -- all of Mom's favorites!!
I am still having trouble coming to grips with this made up birthday, it really bugs me that the parents couldn't have at least stuck a note with her telling her birthday! She just doesn't seem 4, or maybe it is hard to add another year to her age, when we've only known her for 2 months as a 3 year old! Kevin jokes that it is not like we can just saw her in half and count the rings, someone else has suggested a dentist might better tell us her age from her teeth? It is not like I need to know for any real reason except my own selfishness of not wanting her to grow up too fast, psychologically having a child go from 3 to 4 in just 2 months is difficult. I have already had to catch myself numerous times expecting too much from her, now that she's 4 I hope I can control my feeble brain to not expect even more!!
So funny that the transition has been so seamless, your brain is tricked into forgetting she has NOT been with you her whole life. That she has experienced a complete upheavel of her little life, that she will have many psychological struggles as she grows and develops. That our love will get her through a great deal of the pain and loss, but we'll never be able to completely take it away. These are the little things that you have to fight to keep from overtaking your thoughts -- the worries of what will be as the days, months and years progress. Always trying to stay vigilant, and not complacent as to not miss signs that she needs help in something. Alas, isn't this the struggle of all parents, biological and adoptive -- balancing your own life's needs and responsiblity, with those of your children. Thank goodness for prayers, "Cast all your worries on Him because HE cares about you," (1 peter 5:7) ... good to know Kevin and I have such an amazing parenting partner in this life!!
Quick update on Faith's progress -- we started back watching Sarah and Grace this week, they don't come very much but we had put off restarting to be sure Faith was ready to share Mommy and brothers. It was a perfect start back, she LOVES her 2 new friends!! She played very well with them both, I love how they both are learning sign language ( I never feel over with the 13 month old signed PLEASE! when she wanted the toy Faith had - it was awesome!!) Being so overly sentimental like I am, I find it so very cool, that one of my daughter's first friends, is the daughter of one of my very first friends!!
Faith has been doing great sleeping in her own bed. I am going to guess her bed in China was a mat on the floor, because quite a few times, she has grabbed a pillow from a couch (not just at our house) , and placed it on a small carpet or mat on the floor, and covered herself with a blanket, and signed 'Sleep'. There are so many questions I wish I had asked the caretakers when I had them - but it wasn't her foster parents, so I really don't know how much of the information would have been actually about FengHua, and how much would have been what kids do in general. I am sure, God is protecting my heart from not letting me know too much, it would probably just break my heart to know. I already have to fit feeling guilty and sad that it took us 6 months to get her out of the country once we had been matched. In more luicd moments I DO know that it was God's plan for our family to prepare all of us, for whatever reason, in making us wait all that time. Most children are matched and home within 6 to 8 weeks of referral, we had to wait 24 weeks!! I spent so much time before the Lord in Adoration during that time, and I know He was preparing us - I have pages and pages of journal entries that assure me of that!
So what else can I report about our princess - she has become a finicky eater, mostly because she can! No longer worried about her next meal, she knows she gets fed about every 2 hours, and if she isnt' crazy about what is before her, there will be another offering varily soon. She has a sign vocabulary of about 20 words now. She is a total monkey, copying all we do -- which in some cases IS not very good! I knew I should have secluded her from all the men in our house until I had her completely molded into all the proper girl ways of life!! Especially for someone who thinks everything is a game lol, some days can be rather challenging! I guess that is what makes us family - its not just my influence on her, but hers on me, and a great exchange of personalities life, working and loving together!!
Happy Birthday FengHua, thank you for continuing to enlighten us in the most amazing ways!
I am still having trouble coming to grips with this made up birthday, it really bugs me that the parents couldn't have at least stuck a note with her telling her birthday! She just doesn't seem 4, or maybe it is hard to add another year to her age, when we've only known her for 2 months as a 3 year old! Kevin jokes that it is not like we can just saw her in half and count the rings, someone else has suggested a dentist might better tell us her age from her teeth? It is not like I need to know for any real reason except my own selfishness of not wanting her to grow up too fast, psychologically having a child go from 3 to 4 in just 2 months is difficult. I have already had to catch myself numerous times expecting too much from her, now that she's 4 I hope I can control my feeble brain to not expect even more!!
So funny that the transition has been so seamless, your brain is tricked into forgetting she has NOT been with you her whole life. That she has experienced a complete upheavel of her little life, that she will have many psychological struggles as she grows and develops. That our love will get her through a great deal of the pain and loss, but we'll never be able to completely take it away. These are the little things that you have to fight to keep from overtaking your thoughts -- the worries of what will be as the days, months and years progress. Always trying to stay vigilant, and not complacent as to not miss signs that she needs help in something. Alas, isn't this the struggle of all parents, biological and adoptive -- balancing your own life's needs and responsiblity, with those of your children. Thank goodness for prayers, "Cast all your worries on Him because HE cares about you," (1 peter 5:7) ... good to know Kevin and I have such an amazing parenting partner in this life!!
Quick update on Faith's progress -- we started back watching Sarah and Grace this week, they don't come very much but we had put off restarting to be sure Faith was ready to share Mommy and brothers. It was a perfect start back, she LOVES her 2 new friends!! She played very well with them both, I love how they both are learning sign language ( I never feel over with the 13 month old signed PLEASE! when she wanted the toy Faith had - it was awesome!!) Being so overly sentimental like I am, I find it so very cool, that one of my daughter's first friends, is the daughter of one of my very first friends!!
Faith has been doing great sleeping in her own bed. I am going to guess her bed in China was a mat on the floor, because quite a few times, she has grabbed a pillow from a couch (not just at our house) , and placed it on a small carpet or mat on the floor, and covered herself with a blanket, and signed 'Sleep'. There are so many questions I wish I had asked the caretakers when I had them - but it wasn't her foster parents, so I really don't know how much of the information would have been actually about FengHua, and how much would have been what kids do in general. I am sure, God is protecting my heart from not letting me know too much, it would probably just break my heart to know. I already have to fit feeling guilty and sad that it took us 6 months to get her out of the country once we had been matched. In more luicd moments I DO know that it was God's plan for our family to prepare all of us, for whatever reason, in making us wait all that time. Most children are matched and home within 6 to 8 weeks of referral, we had to wait 24 weeks!! I spent so much time before the Lord in Adoration during that time, and I know He was preparing us - I have pages and pages of journal entries that assure me of that!
So what else can I report about our princess - she has become a finicky eater, mostly because she can! No longer worried about her next meal, she knows she gets fed about every 2 hours, and if she isnt' crazy about what is before her, there will be another offering varily soon. She has a sign vocabulary of about 20 words now. She is a total monkey, copying all we do -- which in some cases IS not very good! I knew I should have secluded her from all the men in our house until I had her completely molded into all the proper girl ways of life!! Especially for someone who thinks everything is a game lol, some days can be rather challenging! I guess that is what makes us family - its not just my influence on her, but hers on me, and a great exchange of personalities life, working and loving together!!
Happy Birthday FengHua, thank you for continuing to enlighten us in the most amazing ways!
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Christ and the Christening Gown
Now that Christmas Day has come and gone (though we know the Christmas season continues until Sunday), it is time in the part of my brain that needs to plan things, to start thinking about Faith's Baptism. I am so excited about this day, which will be Sunday, Feb. 21st, which turns out to be the 2 year anniversary of our very FIRST meeting with CAWLI (the adoption agency). A pretty neat date connection (I AM ridiculously into date connections!!). The only better date would have been her birthday (the made up one given to her in China) , which is January 10th. That date would be very cool to be baptized on, as it is the day that the Church celebrates the Baptism of the Lord!!
So the planning has begun, step one which actually began 2 years ago when we started this process was choosing Godparents. That has to be one of the toughest decisions you make for you child, the decision is a lifetime commitment, and with so many faithful people in our life choosing 2 was hard. Well, the godmother wasn't because I knew right away I wanted my 'second' sister, my cousin Heather. Which brings me today's story... step two, shopping for the Christening gown.
Taking advantage of Christmas time off, Heather, Faith and I met in Quincy/Braintree for lunch and a festive shopping trip. Not familiar with the area, I did some internet research, found a dress shop that looked perfect -- had christening and flower girl dresses, and a large selection. It was called GRANDASIA, which until I saw the sign and the Chinese silk dresses in the window didn't realize the name is GRAND... ASIA... I was thinking flower (don't ask - my brain is a complex and often confused place). The trusty Tom-Tom brings us right to the door, there was a beautiful pull through parking place on the street (yeah, never mastered that parallel parking thing!!) Its cold, although we were happy the rain had stopped during our lunch. I gather Faith out of the carseat, and off we hustle to the store, which from a distance looks awfully dark inside. It looked dark upclose as well, as is commonplace with adults with AD/HD, I forgot to check out minute details such as HOURS OF OPERATION!!!
We hustle (its cold remember, and I was fond of the 70s) back to the van, and start tapping away on the blackberry and Tom-Tom looking for other dress shops in the area. We are on mainstreet Quincy - there has to be someplace else we can go -- I SO wanted to find Faith's dress with her Godmother present!! I begin to pray (I know big shock!!), and Heather finds 2 viable options we plug them into ole' Tom and off we go. We are unable to locate the places listed - oh wait, we did find one it was closed (permanently - hate this economy). In our travels around and around Hancock street (think Chevy Chase in Lapoon's vacation, "Look kids Big Ben, Parliment") we see this small shop, Simply Barbara's. On the wall, what looks like a sleu of little white dresses. I suggest we call and see if they are opened (before I attempt more on street parking, and another the squid wrestling). The woman that answers the phone, hesitates are our questions of whether they sell flower girl dresses, and if they are open - but relents that they are open, and off we go.
THIS Is when Christ appears ... see long story short, the boutique was actually closed, but something told her that we needed help, and to open for us. She asked me fairly quickly in our visit if I was Christian (though I have to confess with her heavy which I think was Nigerian accent, and my befuddled state thought she was asking me if my name was Kristen, which would be my sister but in hindsight how would SHE know my sister's name). Anyway, Heather, a very level headed and highly intelligent young lady, politely cleared up the confusion for her elderly cousin - and I very enthusiastically answered, "YES, OH yes!! Very Christian!!" At which point I see behind her a framed bible verse, realize it is Gospel music playing in the background, and on the floor beneath the dresses is an icon of the Holy Family. Of course, of course God you are still watching over Faith -- even the seamstress could see that, without knowing any of the story, she just smiled down at Faith commenting on how Christ was certainly with this little girl. It was a chill filling, head shaking, OH MY Goodness this is amazing, kind of experience!!
She reminded us that the bible tells us to speak His name always and often, that we are here to serve Him, and that she has seen and done things that would amaze us, that her shop was far more than making dresses for important occasions. Evident further by her response to her children who came into the shop sometime after us, and perplexed asked their mother, 'Arent' you closed." She just smiled and responded, "They needed me." Imagine this world, if we all put our agenda aside, our own needs and plans aside, and had the attitude, "I changed what I wanted to do , because they needed me."
She was so amazing with Faith, gentle, kind, I truly felt in the presence of one of Christ's disciples (which she had called herself). We fell in love with the second dress we saw, and first she put on, like a bride, you know its the right one when everyone in the store is crying! My mind is such at ease that she will do wonderfully fitting the squid, and that her prayers will be added to ours as another person is initiated into God's family! I think Barbara said it best at the end of our visit, "God is real, God is with us, and God is among us, He is in everything" Amen, my new Christian friend... Amen!!
So the planning has begun, step one which actually began 2 years ago when we started this process was choosing Godparents. That has to be one of the toughest decisions you make for you child, the decision is a lifetime commitment, and with so many faithful people in our life choosing 2 was hard. Well, the godmother wasn't because I knew right away I wanted my 'second' sister, my cousin Heather. Which brings me today's story... step two, shopping for the Christening gown.
Taking advantage of Christmas time off, Heather, Faith and I met in Quincy/Braintree for lunch and a festive shopping trip. Not familiar with the area, I did some internet research, found a dress shop that looked perfect -- had christening and flower girl dresses, and a large selection. It was called GRANDASIA, which until I saw the sign and the Chinese silk dresses in the window didn't realize the name is GRAND... ASIA... I was thinking flower (don't ask - my brain is a complex and often confused place). The trusty Tom-Tom brings us right to the door, there was a beautiful pull through parking place on the street (yeah, never mastered that parallel parking thing!!) Its cold, although we were happy the rain had stopped during our lunch. I gather Faith out of the carseat, and off we hustle to the store, which from a distance looks awfully dark inside. It looked dark upclose as well, as is commonplace with adults with AD/HD, I forgot to check out minute details such as HOURS OF OPERATION!!!
We hustle (its cold remember, and I was fond of the 70s) back to the van, and start tapping away on the blackberry and Tom-Tom looking for other dress shops in the area. We are on mainstreet Quincy - there has to be someplace else we can go -- I SO wanted to find Faith's dress with her Godmother present!! I begin to pray (I know big shock!!), and Heather finds 2 viable options we plug them into ole' Tom and off we go. We are unable to locate the places listed - oh wait, we did find one it was closed (permanently - hate this economy). In our travels around and around Hancock street (think Chevy Chase in Lapoon's vacation, "Look kids Big Ben, Parliment") we see this small shop, Simply Barbara's. On the wall, what looks like a sleu of little white dresses. I suggest we call and see if they are opened (before I attempt more on street parking, and another the squid wrestling). The woman that answers the phone, hesitates are our questions of whether they sell flower girl dresses, and if they are open - but relents that they are open, and off we go.
THIS Is when Christ appears ... see long story short, the boutique was actually closed, but something told her that we needed help, and to open for us. She asked me fairly quickly in our visit if I was Christian (though I have to confess with her heavy which I think was Nigerian accent, and my befuddled state thought she was asking me if my name was Kristen, which would be my sister but in hindsight how would SHE know my sister's name). Anyway, Heather, a very level headed and highly intelligent young lady, politely cleared up the confusion for her elderly cousin - and I very enthusiastically answered, "YES, OH yes!! Very Christian!!" At which point I see behind her a framed bible verse, realize it is Gospel music playing in the background, and on the floor beneath the dresses is an icon of the Holy Family. Of course, of course God you are still watching over Faith -- even the seamstress could see that, without knowing any of the story, she just smiled down at Faith commenting on how Christ was certainly with this little girl. It was a chill filling, head shaking, OH MY Goodness this is amazing, kind of experience!!
She reminded us that the bible tells us to speak His name always and often, that we are here to serve Him, and that she has seen and done things that would amaze us, that her shop was far more than making dresses for important occasions. Evident further by her response to her children who came into the shop sometime after us, and perplexed asked their mother, 'Arent' you closed." She just smiled and responded, "They needed me." Imagine this world, if we all put our agenda aside, our own needs and plans aside, and had the attitude, "I changed what I wanted to do , because they needed me."
She was so amazing with Faith, gentle, kind, I truly felt in the presence of one of Christ's disciples (which she had called herself). We fell in love with the second dress we saw, and first she put on, like a bride, you know its the right one when everyone in the store is crying! My mind is such at ease that she will do wonderfully fitting the squid, and that her prayers will be added to ours as another person is initiated into God's family! I think Barbara said it best at the end of our visit, "God is real, God is with us, and God is among us, He is in everything" Amen, my new Christian friend... Amen!!
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
A new day
I'm a big fan of adages -- mine for today is, "What a difference a day makes"! Faith and I had such a great day. We started the day with more shots, poor kid, there should be just one more round, and then she ages out of needing the last set...small positive there. She was so good, cooperative, doesn't cry -- makes the 'scrunch' face of disgust she seems to have perfected, and that I find cute now that it isn't directed at me! I do find her perchance for pain a bit disturbing ,and definitely something to monitor!
Then it was off to BJs Wholesale club to finish our Christmas shopping, she is a great shopping companion! She helps me disinfect the carriage with "magic soap" aka hand sanitizer. She never asks for something, and not because she doesn't have the words, because believe me she has NO problem making wants known!! She is content to hold whatever is next to go in the carriage, or my cell phone, which SHE has figured out how to lock and so she's not calling friends back in China on me as I shop!
OH and the best news of today -- not really, but if you've been following the battle of the ponytails, you'll know why this is so exciting! I went to a cookie swap with some great veteran GIRL moms! They told me about these little elastics (pretty much one time use), that really hang onto the hair, making removal nearly impossible! They are my gift this Christmas because FINALLY after 6 weeks, we have pigtails (mom's favorite) that are NOT pulled out as soon as I finish them, actually not pulled out at all! Plus now that she's lost that battle she has stopped pulling out barretts and off hats too - wonderful stuff!!
After coming home from a loooonnnng shopping trip!! Man I love that place, I could just wander up and down the isles all day!! We had a nice lunch together - she has really taken a liking to Italian food (well what is originally Italian, when I get done with it - most Italians would not take credit for it!!) Last night she scoffed down Tortellini's (aka belly-buttons) in chicken broth ( I love when she picks up the bowl with one hand, and scoops the liquid with the spoon into her mouth -- it is an adorable cultural thing that I hope she never loses!!) , for lunch its was cheese ravoli with sauce (how come every time I dress her in white I feed her red sauce!! She was fine, that Tink bib does wonders!!)
Now brings me to the reason I blogged, it was during yesterday's lunch that I realized how much she doesn't know, and how challenging it will be to teach her abstract thoughts, and the day continued to be a difficult day of frustrations and miscommunications. Today, was a brand new day - and I believe it to be a product of spending my day (no not whining and moping, as my post and FB status would suggest) but in praying. Every spare moment I had, I offered my thoughts and frustrations heavenward - seeking intercession from St. Therese (whom I learned in the movie of her life was homeschooled-- sweet!), and St. Francis de Sales (patron of the deaf), and of course our Lady. Just gave over my insecurities, my inabilities, and my grumpiness!! The bible says, Ask and you shall receive. I know I have to cooperate with the spirit, but do feel today that I have been given a renewed hope and peace.
Evident in our lunch - we had a great little conversation (showing me that you don't always need words to convey feeling), and then we colored and practiced her name. The best was just before nap, she sat on my lap with the same book I struggled yesterday afternoon to read/sign with her. Yesterday, she tried turning to the end of the book with every page, she wouldn't look at me, or copy any of the signs, she was distant and distracted, my heart was so heavy and filled with doubt (are you sure God I have the talents and patience to be her teacher, are you sure??) Today -- she sat and looked not only through that book but 2 others, turning pages one by one, trying to copy the signs, and turning to smile at me periodically. A gift, these small moments, these ones I took for granted with the boys, are so poignant when they are proceeded by frustration and doubt.
I am grateful as alwasy for God's faithfulness to keep me prayerful in this journey. When I arrived home, I was spiritually exhausted. My bible reading dropped off, Mass addiction (either going in person or watching EWTN - love those priests!) had waned considerally, Divine Mercy devotion sporadic ... I had slipped from the mountain top to a lull -- more a plateau then a valley -- nothing bad was happening that I usually associate with the valley of spiritual growth, but nothing good either. I was just existing, putting out the daily fires, going through the motions. It certainly didn't help that the holidays kicked right in, which are just not a historically easy time emotionally for me. I had shut down, I doubt I am alone in any of these feelings, I am sure you've all been there. In the past, I would have allowed the world to continue to swallow me up, and draw further and further away from God and my faith -- and this is what I am so grateful for today , that I don't. That He accepts even my smallest or shortest prayers, and sees that my heart still longs for Him, and He never leaves, or gives up... and with every drawing near , He draws near. The JOY of the LORD is my strength, even when I don't have the strength to see that...I pray that you too will find your JOY in the Lord especially during the celebration of His Son's birth. Merry Christmas!!
Then it was off to BJs Wholesale club to finish our Christmas shopping, she is a great shopping companion! She helps me disinfect the carriage with "magic soap" aka hand sanitizer. She never asks for something, and not because she doesn't have the words, because believe me she has NO problem making wants known!! She is content to hold whatever is next to go in the carriage, or my cell phone, which SHE has figured out how to lock and so she's not calling friends back in China on me as I shop!
OH and the best news of today -- not really, but if you've been following the battle of the ponytails, you'll know why this is so exciting! I went to a cookie swap with some great veteran GIRL moms! They told me about these little elastics (pretty much one time use), that really hang onto the hair, making removal nearly impossible! They are my gift this Christmas because FINALLY after 6 weeks, we have pigtails (mom's favorite) that are NOT pulled out as soon as I finish them, actually not pulled out at all! Plus now that she's lost that battle she has stopped pulling out barretts and off hats too - wonderful stuff!!
After coming home from a loooonnnng shopping trip!! Man I love that place, I could just wander up and down the isles all day!! We had a nice lunch together - she has really taken a liking to Italian food (well what is originally Italian, when I get done with it - most Italians would not take credit for it!!) Last night she scoffed down Tortellini's (aka belly-buttons) in chicken broth ( I love when she picks up the bowl with one hand, and scoops the liquid with the spoon into her mouth -- it is an adorable cultural thing that I hope she never loses!!) , for lunch its was cheese ravoli with sauce (how come every time I dress her in white I feed her red sauce!! She was fine, that Tink bib does wonders!!)
Now brings me to the reason I blogged, it was during yesterday's lunch that I realized how much she doesn't know, and how challenging it will be to teach her abstract thoughts, and the day continued to be a difficult day of frustrations and miscommunications. Today, was a brand new day - and I believe it to be a product of spending my day (no not whining and moping, as my post and FB status would suggest) but in praying. Every spare moment I had, I offered my thoughts and frustrations heavenward - seeking intercession from St. Therese (whom I learned in the movie of her life was homeschooled-- sweet!), and St. Francis de Sales (patron of the deaf), and of course our Lady. Just gave over my insecurities, my inabilities, and my grumpiness!! The bible says, Ask and you shall receive. I know I have to cooperate with the spirit, but do feel today that I have been given a renewed hope and peace.
Evident in our lunch - we had a great little conversation (showing me that you don't always need words to convey feeling), and then we colored and practiced her name. The best was just before nap, she sat on my lap with the same book I struggled yesterday afternoon to read/sign with her. Yesterday, she tried turning to the end of the book with every page, she wouldn't look at me, or copy any of the signs, she was distant and distracted, my heart was so heavy and filled with doubt (are you sure God I have the talents and patience to be her teacher, are you sure??) Today -- she sat and looked not only through that book but 2 others, turning pages one by one, trying to copy the signs, and turning to smile at me periodically. A gift, these small moments, these ones I took for granted with the boys, are so poignant when they are proceeded by frustration and doubt.
I am grateful as alwasy for God's faithfulness to keep me prayerful in this journey. When I arrived home, I was spiritually exhausted. My bible reading dropped off, Mass addiction (either going in person or watching EWTN - love those priests!) had waned considerally, Divine Mercy devotion sporadic ... I had slipped from the mountain top to a lull -- more a plateau then a valley -- nothing bad was happening that I usually associate with the valley of spiritual growth, but nothing good either. I was just existing, putting out the daily fires, going through the motions. It certainly didn't help that the holidays kicked right in, which are just not a historically easy time emotionally for me. I had shut down, I doubt I am alone in any of these feelings, I am sure you've all been there. In the past, I would have allowed the world to continue to swallow me up, and draw further and further away from God and my faith -- and this is what I am so grateful for today , that I don't. That He accepts even my smallest or shortest prayers, and sees that my heart still longs for Him, and He never leaves, or gives up... and with every drawing near , He draws near. The JOY of the LORD is my strength, even when I don't have the strength to see that...I pray that you too will find your JOY in the Lord especially during the celebration of His Son's birth. Merry Christmas!!
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Communication
This afternoon while Faith and I enjoyed a quiet lunch together, I was struck by just how quiet life can be sometimes. The soft ticking of the clock and hum of the refridgerator was all I heard, while I know her lunch was even quieter. As I look at her precious little face, I am struck that we are definitely not signing to her as often as we should - limiting it to direct needs or commands. As I had just finished reciting the prayer before meals, I try to sign it now with her, but her random signing back to me shows that while making progress memorizing signs, the meanings are still lost to her.
We've seen a lot of this, just a random barrage of signs when she is trying to convey something to us - she signs Faith, please, bed, finished, daddy, potty, all in a string, hoping that one of these silly things people keep doing in her face with their hands will get them to jump up and help her with whatever the present need is. Kevin complained, rightly so yesterday, that all we seem to be saying to her lately is "No". Although I wholeheartedly agree and would love to be more positive in my communications especially around things that are dangerous, I am finding it much easier to tell someone NO to what they are doing, then explaining BEFORE they do it, that it isn't something they can do! Think that sentence is confusing, try being a non-english speaking 3 year old trying to explore your environment with overprotective English-speaking, hearing parents who are constantly shadowing you and redirecting you from all that looks fun. We tell her yes, but it seems those things are not quite as intriguing as the 'no' areas -- stove, buttons on the dishwasher, my camera, the portable phones that get left all around the house, outlets, stairs, toilets... the typical toddler stuff of interest.
The area of real frustration for me however is in communicating things of deeper meaning. For instance, today I was really sad about something (not that I would discuss the problem with a 3 year old) but what I would have loved to have shared, was how I turned to the bible for guidance, and opened right to a passage that answered me in the exact way I needed. Let me note it was NOT what I wanted God to say, I was looking for a "yeah don't sweat it, you can ignore it" but what I got was "you can do this with my help, it is not for you to judge but to do according to my Will". Augh, I hate those answers, those are the ones that make us more like God, and less like our pitiful human selves, and although the grow us spiritually always come with a little discomfort or sacrafice on our part -- but alas I digress. I wanted to share what an amazing and loving Father in Heaven we have, and that it had made Mommy' sad change to glad. I have to admit I did sign it all to her, the best I could, and received back a barrage of random signs -- cute but didn't really instill confidence that I am getting through.
The next moment I was back to the 'nos' -- or the 'don'ts' in this case. Gently trying to teach that we don't stick the opposite end of the spoon in our eyes, nose or mouth. That napkins are for wiping our hands and mouths, not the cheesy spoon. That we need to chew the food in our mouth, not suck on it like chewing tobacco ( a new habit we are perplexed by but working through as we realize these are all new textures and tastes). The time will come when I can share with her the wonder of the snow on the ground, the beating of my heart for her and for my Lord, and can explain all the yesses in the world!
Although this all saddens me, but I am quickly reminded its only been 6 weeks, that time will prove this all different, just as it did with our connecting back in China. I pray that her language acquisition comes as quickly as her love acquisition did !!
We've seen a lot of this, just a random barrage of signs when she is trying to convey something to us - she signs Faith, please, bed, finished, daddy, potty, all in a string, hoping that one of these silly things people keep doing in her face with their hands will get them to jump up and help her with whatever the present need is. Kevin complained, rightly so yesterday, that all we seem to be saying to her lately is "No". Although I wholeheartedly agree and would love to be more positive in my communications especially around things that are dangerous, I am finding it much easier to tell someone NO to what they are doing, then explaining BEFORE they do it, that it isn't something they can do! Think that sentence is confusing, try being a non-english speaking 3 year old trying to explore your environment with overprotective English-speaking, hearing parents who are constantly shadowing you and redirecting you from all that looks fun. We tell her yes, but it seems those things are not quite as intriguing as the 'no' areas -- stove, buttons on the dishwasher, my camera, the portable phones that get left all around the house, outlets, stairs, toilets... the typical toddler stuff of interest.
The area of real frustration for me however is in communicating things of deeper meaning. For instance, today I was really sad about something (not that I would discuss the problem with a 3 year old) but what I would have loved to have shared, was how I turned to the bible for guidance, and opened right to a passage that answered me in the exact way I needed. Let me note it was NOT what I wanted God to say, I was looking for a "yeah don't sweat it, you can ignore it" but what I got was "you can do this with my help, it is not for you to judge but to do according to my Will". Augh, I hate those answers, those are the ones that make us more like God, and less like our pitiful human selves, and although the grow us spiritually always come with a little discomfort or sacrafice on our part -- but alas I digress. I wanted to share what an amazing and loving Father in Heaven we have, and that it had made Mommy' sad change to glad. I have to admit I did sign it all to her, the best I could, and received back a barrage of random signs -- cute but didn't really instill confidence that I am getting through.
The next moment I was back to the 'nos' -- or the 'don'ts' in this case. Gently trying to teach that we don't stick the opposite end of the spoon in our eyes, nose or mouth. That napkins are for wiping our hands and mouths, not the cheesy spoon. That we need to chew the food in our mouth, not suck on it like chewing tobacco ( a new habit we are perplexed by but working through as we realize these are all new textures and tastes). The time will come when I can share with her the wonder of the snow on the ground, the beating of my heart for her and for my Lord, and can explain all the yesses in the world!
Although this all saddens me, but I am quickly reminded its only been 6 weeks, that time will prove this all different, just as it did with our connecting back in China. I pray that her language acquisition comes as quickly as her love acquisition did !!
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Waiting for Faith
This was first posted on Facebook, but realizing not all the blog followers have FB, I decided to post it here too. I am hoping to start blogging the back story - the how we got to this point, which was filled with so many Godcidences , that if I DIDN'T believe in God before this journey, I'd be hard pressed not to now!!! God directed throughout (and of course, still) ... this was a very powerful night of prayer and communication with God, I pray it blesses you as well!!
Patience is defined by dictionary.com as an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay. Christian definitions include ideas of letting go of our own plan and leaving God in control, its an act of love, and fruit of living in the Holy Spirit of God. it’s a virtue, because it is a very valuable personality characteristic. One I have discovered is of utmost necessity when adopting from a foreign country. The other virtue of importance is that of faith. Faith is defined in the Catholic Catechism a theological virtue by which we believe in God and we believe all that he has said and revealed to us. This week has been filled with more practice in these than ever before in my life, alas practice makes perfect.
The next leg of our journey to Faith, began on Monday night (very late Monday night). I began to feel an overwhelming sense of fear and dread. I ventured into Faith’s bedroom, whose door I keep closed most of the time because its hard to see it empty. Suddenly I was just overcome with emotion, I dropped to my knees on the side of her bed and began to sob. The type of sobs that come from so deep within you , they almost produce fear on their own, because they are raw, and uncontrollable - but very healing. I cried out to the Lord all my fears. “Are you sure God that we are the family to do this work? I am filled with anxiety about travel, and being able to console this nearly 4 year old being ripped from the only world she knows, with no way of communicating the plan.” The words spilled from my heart, the deep fears I’ve been fighting, hiding, holding on to. I could no longer bear it alone, and I gave them all to God -- just as Jesus instructs us in Matthew 11: 28 - 30:
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Feeling indeed unburdened by this moment, I headed into the kitchen to prepare the boys assignments for the next day. God in his ultimate love and compassion places before me three signs that bring more light to my heavy spirit. First, the notepad I grab, from a tin of at least 6 notepads is adorned with a giant beautiful butterfly. I had been seeing a butterfly as a sign of hope, daily, since an intense prayer session about 2 weeks earlier. You see, butterflies are deaf, just as is my daughter, and it is a beautiful symbol to remind me of her, and the loving arms both of are held in each day as we wait to be united.
Second, as I calculate which saint my son was to read about the next day, I turn to St. Don Bosco in his book. He happens to be one of my favorite saints because of his devotion to Mary, love of confession, and heart for children in need. The quote for the day on Don Bosco’s page, “Please pray today for all the children with no homes and no families.”
Third, as I’m placing the books on the counter for the morning, I glance at our scriptural flipchart that sits under the Sacred Heart of Jesus icon. It had been flipped to Proverbs 3:5-6:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths. You are great at putting your trust in God. Keep following him and you will be amazed at what he does.
A warmth filled my being, the one that comes with peace knowing you are not alone, and that God is not only hearing you but reaching out to answer. This verse has been very prominent in the adoption process, emerging last July, when a friend gave me a huge plaque with the word TRUST on it, and the first line of the verse. She creates these with people’s life verses on them, and said she felt inspired to create it for me. To be honest, at first I was disappointed, as I had always counted Gal 2:20 (It is no longer I who lives, but Christ who lives in me), as my life verse. It was so beautiful, and being a prayerful person, I knew that indeed God had wanted this for me and that within time it would be revealed. Faithfully it has, over and over again, and always JUST when I need to be reminded that a life of faith, is also a life of trust in the one who created me, wants only good for me, and loves me immeasurably.
Although comforted by these signs, I knew God had more to share. I felt a very strong desire to sit quietly with his word. On many occasions before God has spoken light and love into my heart through the reading of scripture. I searched for one of my 7 bibles, but I had cleaned that day, and they were all tucked away on shelves, in bible study bags, or upstairs with my sleeping husband. The one book left out was St. Maria Faustina’s diary. As I looked down at it, I was reminded of a conversation I had with my husband the day before when he revealed that even Sr. Faustina had experienced moments of fear. Early this summer I had begun a devotion to the Divine Mercy (the prayer given to us by Jesus through his conversations with Sr. Faustina), praying the chaplet everyday at 3 o’clock. Inspired, I grabbed the book and returned to Faith’s bedroom.
I sat in the near dark on her floor, and prayed over the book. Lord, I asked, lead me to where she writes about her fear so that I may learn from her experience. I opened the book, but was first lead to day six of the Divine Mercy novena. Here Jesus states:
Today bring to Me the meek and humble souls and the souls of the little children, and immerse them in My mercy. These souls most closely resemble My Heart. They strengthened Me during My bitter agony. I saw them as earthly Angles, who would keep vigil at My altars. I pour out upon them whole torrents of grace. Only the humble soul I able to receive My grace. I favor humble souls with My confidence.
Sr. Faustina enters into her journal about learning from Jesus. I thought about the scripture readings where the little children are brought to Jesus, and we are counseled to have faith like a child. I thought about Jesus love for Faith, and the grace he had and will continue to pour over her during this transition in her own life. My heart longed to be humble and meek, and I prayed for forgiveness of my sins and for a blessing of grace to understand and accept God’s plan without fear.
Once more, I prayed asking to be lead to the page in this nearly 700 page book where Sr. Faustina shares with Jesus her fear. I opened the book to page 345, the diary entry for January 14, 1937 where Jesus first words to her are, “My daughter, why are you giving in to thoughts of fear?” Tears flowed down my cheeks, I put the book aside, and laid prostrate on the floor praising and thanking God for this gift (even though I had not read another word yet, I KNEW I was enveloped in his loving embrace and would soon be counseled by Jesus himself). Excitedly I returned to the book and read on.
Sr. Faustina wrote, “O Lord, You know why. This work frightens me. You know that I am incapable of carrying it out.” Jesus presses, asking again, “Why?” At which point, she much like I had done an hour before spills it all out. I am going to add what thoughts were racing through my head in brackets as I read her words.
You see very well that I am not in good health [for me, it’s an ongoing struggle with anxiety], that I have no education [for me, I thought of the doubts that come when I am challenged on whether I can teach a deaf child language.], that I have no money [self explanatory], that I am an abyss of misery [see early part of story when I knelt in the same spot wailing just moments before], that I fear contacts with people [for me, I thought of my absolute obsession with avoiding the piggy flu, and my sometimes consuming worry about the consequences if we can not].
It is Jesus’ reply that is PRICELESS!!! There was no doubt as I read, that he was talking directly to me, and once again I will interject my thoughts as I read with brackets.
My daughter, what you have said is true. You are very miserable [way to console me gently], and it pleased Me to carry out this work of mercy precisely through you [are you ready for this] -- who are nothing but misery itself. [Yes, by now I am wholeheartedly humbled. Which is perfect because now I am open to God’s perfect plan, and to receive the peace and strength he is trying to send me, that up to now I had been rejecting out of fear and doubt.] DO NOT FEAR; I will not leave you alone. [Thank you, Jesus]. Do whatever you can in this matter; I will accomplish everything that is lacking in you. You know what is within your power to do; do that.
Here in the last few sentences was the instruction I so desperately needed. As well as the assurance that I am not capable of doing this, that without God it is impossible, but that HE will bring to completion the good work he has begun. That I will be equipped with all I need according to what is needed, and I don’t even have to think about the unknown in this situation but only what is in my power. So I laid against the wall, eyes to the heavens and pondered what in this situation was within my power. Praying and preparing -- so that is what I resolved to do.
Patience is defined by dictionary.com as an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay. Christian definitions include ideas of letting go of our own plan and leaving God in control, its an act of love, and fruit of living in the Holy Spirit of God. it’s a virtue, because it is a very valuable personality characteristic. One I have discovered is of utmost necessity when adopting from a foreign country. The other virtue of importance is that of faith. Faith is defined in the Catholic Catechism a theological virtue by which we believe in God and we believe all that he has said and revealed to us. This week has been filled with more practice in these than ever before in my life, alas practice makes perfect.
The next leg of our journey to Faith, began on Monday night (very late Monday night). I began to feel an overwhelming sense of fear and dread. I ventured into Faith’s bedroom, whose door I keep closed most of the time because its hard to see it empty. Suddenly I was just overcome with emotion, I dropped to my knees on the side of her bed and began to sob. The type of sobs that come from so deep within you , they almost produce fear on their own, because they are raw, and uncontrollable - but very healing. I cried out to the Lord all my fears. “Are you sure God that we are the family to do this work? I am filled with anxiety about travel, and being able to console this nearly 4 year old being ripped from the only world she knows, with no way of communicating the plan.” The words spilled from my heart, the deep fears I’ve been fighting, hiding, holding on to. I could no longer bear it alone, and I gave them all to God -- just as Jesus instructs us in Matthew 11: 28 - 30:
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Feeling indeed unburdened by this moment, I headed into the kitchen to prepare the boys assignments for the next day. God in his ultimate love and compassion places before me three signs that bring more light to my heavy spirit. First, the notepad I grab, from a tin of at least 6 notepads is adorned with a giant beautiful butterfly. I had been seeing a butterfly as a sign of hope, daily, since an intense prayer session about 2 weeks earlier. You see, butterflies are deaf, just as is my daughter, and it is a beautiful symbol to remind me of her, and the loving arms both of are held in each day as we wait to be united.
Second, as I calculate which saint my son was to read about the next day, I turn to St. Don Bosco in his book. He happens to be one of my favorite saints because of his devotion to Mary, love of confession, and heart for children in need. The quote for the day on Don Bosco’s page, “Please pray today for all the children with no homes and no families.”
Third, as I’m placing the books on the counter for the morning, I glance at our scriptural flipchart that sits under the Sacred Heart of Jesus icon. It had been flipped to Proverbs 3:5-6:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths. You are great at putting your trust in God. Keep following him and you will be amazed at what he does.
A warmth filled my being, the one that comes with peace knowing you are not alone, and that God is not only hearing you but reaching out to answer. This verse has been very prominent in the adoption process, emerging last July, when a friend gave me a huge plaque with the word TRUST on it, and the first line of the verse. She creates these with people’s life verses on them, and said she felt inspired to create it for me. To be honest, at first I was disappointed, as I had always counted Gal 2:20 (It is no longer I who lives, but Christ who lives in me), as my life verse. It was so beautiful, and being a prayerful person, I knew that indeed God had wanted this for me and that within time it would be revealed. Faithfully it has, over and over again, and always JUST when I need to be reminded that a life of faith, is also a life of trust in the one who created me, wants only good for me, and loves me immeasurably.
Although comforted by these signs, I knew God had more to share. I felt a very strong desire to sit quietly with his word. On many occasions before God has spoken light and love into my heart through the reading of scripture. I searched for one of my 7 bibles, but I had cleaned that day, and they were all tucked away on shelves, in bible study bags, or upstairs with my sleeping husband. The one book left out was St. Maria Faustina’s diary. As I looked down at it, I was reminded of a conversation I had with my husband the day before when he revealed that even Sr. Faustina had experienced moments of fear. Early this summer I had begun a devotion to the Divine Mercy (the prayer given to us by Jesus through his conversations with Sr. Faustina), praying the chaplet everyday at 3 o’clock. Inspired, I grabbed the book and returned to Faith’s bedroom.
I sat in the near dark on her floor, and prayed over the book. Lord, I asked, lead me to where she writes about her fear so that I may learn from her experience. I opened the book, but was first lead to day six of the Divine Mercy novena. Here Jesus states:
Today bring to Me the meek and humble souls and the souls of the little children, and immerse them in My mercy. These souls most closely resemble My Heart. They strengthened Me during My bitter agony. I saw them as earthly Angles, who would keep vigil at My altars. I pour out upon them whole torrents of grace. Only the humble soul I able to receive My grace. I favor humble souls with My confidence.
Sr. Faustina enters into her journal about learning from Jesus. I thought about the scripture readings where the little children are brought to Jesus, and we are counseled to have faith like a child. I thought about Jesus love for Faith, and the grace he had and will continue to pour over her during this transition in her own life. My heart longed to be humble and meek, and I prayed for forgiveness of my sins and for a blessing of grace to understand and accept God’s plan without fear.
Once more, I prayed asking to be lead to the page in this nearly 700 page book where Sr. Faustina shares with Jesus her fear. I opened the book to page 345, the diary entry for January 14, 1937 where Jesus first words to her are, “My daughter, why are you giving in to thoughts of fear?” Tears flowed down my cheeks, I put the book aside, and laid prostrate on the floor praising and thanking God for this gift (even though I had not read another word yet, I KNEW I was enveloped in his loving embrace and would soon be counseled by Jesus himself). Excitedly I returned to the book and read on.
Sr. Faustina wrote, “O Lord, You know why. This work frightens me. You know that I am incapable of carrying it out.” Jesus presses, asking again, “Why?” At which point, she much like I had done an hour before spills it all out. I am going to add what thoughts were racing through my head in brackets as I read her words.
You see very well that I am not in good health [for me, it’s an ongoing struggle with anxiety], that I have no education [for me, I thought of the doubts that come when I am challenged on whether I can teach a deaf child language.], that I have no money [self explanatory], that I am an abyss of misery [see early part of story when I knelt in the same spot wailing just moments before], that I fear contacts with people [for me, I thought of my absolute obsession with avoiding the piggy flu, and my sometimes consuming worry about the consequences if we can not].
It is Jesus’ reply that is PRICELESS!!! There was no doubt as I read, that he was talking directly to me, and once again I will interject my thoughts as I read with brackets.
My daughter, what you have said is true. You are very miserable [way to console me gently], and it pleased Me to carry out this work of mercy precisely through you [are you ready for this] -- who are nothing but misery itself. [Yes, by now I am wholeheartedly humbled. Which is perfect because now I am open to God’s perfect plan, and to receive the peace and strength he is trying to send me, that up to now I had been rejecting out of fear and doubt.] DO NOT FEAR; I will not leave you alone. [Thank you, Jesus]. Do whatever you can in this matter; I will accomplish everything that is lacking in you. You know what is within your power to do; do that.
Here in the last few sentences was the instruction I so desperately needed. As well as the assurance that I am not capable of doing this, that without God it is impossible, but that HE will bring to completion the good work he has begun. That I will be equipped with all I need according to what is needed, and I don’t even have to think about the unknown in this situation but only what is in my power. So I laid against the wall, eyes to the heavens and pondered what in this situation was within my power. Praying and preparing -- so that is what I resolved to do.
A scary moment in Wuhan
I've been meaning to blog this event from our trip that we intentionally left out while there as to not worry our parents back home. One of the scariest moments for us in China came on day 2 of having custody of Faith. We had put her down for a nap, but had forgotten to put on a pull up. Like is very common in 3 year olds, she wet the bed during her nap. It was a soaker - who'd a thought such a little person held so much urine!! We had no choice but to call housekeeping to come change the sheets. Now what transpired next SHOULD have been the scariest part of this story, but unfortunately, it got worse. The housekeeper ( a sweet looking and tiny little man/boy) came with a new duvet cover for our comforter. See hotels in china don't have top sheets or blankets, just a nice cozy comforter with a fresh (you pray) duvet cover...perfect choose for the warm climate we were visiting! Anyway, he FLIPS THE very large comforter to put the PEE part at the foot of the bed, and puts on the new duvet. YUP - leaves the comforter -- I have heard pee is sterile, and I had to keep with that thought or else I'd never get back into that or any other bed in China ever again!!! Luckily it was the middle, and her little legs didn't reach down there anyway.
As he is changing the sheets, Faith is sitting in Daddy's lap in a chair next to the bed. She has woken up wet, and I am sure each time she first woke and realized this wasn't a dream that she wasn't in Kansas anymore, and these 2 strange looking, smelling, smiling people were still there, and the family she'd known for 3 years was no where to be seen! So each nap was followed by lots of tears, and cuddles(with daddy), which seemed to bring back calm quickly, however this day I WAS the one to remove her from bed, which she took GREAT exception too, and then had to stripe her down (which brought shivers like I'd never seen before - the a/c that hadn't worked since we arrived finally decided to blow frigid air into the room, and on top of that -- you ever wake from a nice warm cozy nap and just can't get warm!!), anyway, these 2 strikes lead to a MAJOR meltdown by Ms. FengHua. She was a wreck, as she had a runny nose when we got her, the crying had lead to a coughing fit, runny nose, and all around mess of a child now nestled on Daddy's lap.
The Chamberdude finished his work, and turned with a jerk ... oh sorry, got wrapped up in the Christmas spirit for a minute there. A few moments later, the phone rings and its the front desk. Read this in your best very thick Chinese accent, "Hello, your child is sick? She have fever? You need help, thermometer, we get you to hospital?" WHAT!!!! WHOA THERE LITTLE FELLA!! WHAT?? My mind couldn't gather quick enough, now I"M the one shivering uncontrollably as the fear rolls over my body. We had been traveling at the height of the H1N1 scare, we had to pass heat sensors in the airports to enter the country, the news ran tons of stories about quarantined tourists, everyone around us was wearing masks -- and now the front desk of a hotel in a communist country is asking me if my chid is sick! No, God no... this can't be happening. I quickly explain that she hates me (no seriously that is what I said in my panic!!), that she was mad that I touched her, which made her cry hysterically, and that is why she looked so horrendous. NOT sick, I said, UPSET...you know, crying, makes her look like that, not sick, really she's not sick. Oh Yeah, Perry Mason has nothing on my slick speaking skills!!
He apologizes profusely, and hangs up. I IMMEDIATELY (do not pass go, do not collect $200) call our Chinese Guide, I'm talking even faster than I normally talk - which is probably breaking land speed records at this point. I implore her to call the front desk, make sure they are clear that our child is healthy (which I have to confess wasn't 100% the truth, they had given her to us with a slight fever and runny nose, but a little motrin later she wasn't sick no more!!). While ON the phone I'm shoving Children's Motrin at Kevin to force into Faith - just in case they show up at the door with a thermometer. OH I had visions of armed military at my door, escorting us to the nearest H1N1 invested Emergency room -- nope, not over active imagination here!! She is assuring me its ok, probably just a misunderstanding, no one was going to come banging the door down forcing temps to be taken.
I hang up ,and look at the clock its 3 p.m. - the divine mercy hour! HOW perfect...for I believe as Sr. Faustina relayed, that Jesus will grant whatever you ask during this time, as long as its not against His Father's holy will. I also realize that at some point in my phone conversations, I have ended up on my knees beside the bed. In the best position to pray, I make my request to Jesus, praying it is His Father's will that this be ok, without ER trips, or investigations. I pray the chaplet, and make a few more PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Lord make this ok!! The phone rings ... it is our guide. She tells us that the front desk manager is extremely embarassed by his mistake, that the housekeeper had been mistaken, and that they truly were just calling to see if they could help, not condemn us. It is a 5 star, swanky hotel after all - they want to make sure their patrons are well taken care of... I have to say , until the waiter brought room service, and was able to observe Faith -happy, healthy and snot free!! I could not relax (and ordered a nice Corona as relaxation insurance)!!
This story speaks to me on a few levels. First, how much I take my freedom for granted. How truly unaware I was of what it means to live in a democratic, free, society. Where my child can be ill, and all I have to worry about is getting them better, not whether I will be forced into seclusion because of it, or told what treatment they will be given. Second, how truly covered in prayer and God's divine mercy this trip was! How many big events in this trip happened during the 3 o'clock hour, which I didn't realize until going back through my journal. Here is just a few -- one of our most horrible turbulent flights (since it was that hour I was so comforted and at peace, so NOT like me!!), the swearing in ceremony (when we didn't know until we got there if the passport issue was going to bar us from participating and completing this step with the rest of our group, which would have delayed our returning home as well), and one of those cab rides for H E double hockey sticks!! That God would put this devotion on my heart this year, and so powerfully, providing that extra stength (grace) so I would be well equipped to deal with things, I'm not typically well equipped to deal with , is just more evidence of the existence of a loving, merciful, faithful God - unseen but present, without a doubt present!
As he is changing the sheets, Faith is sitting in Daddy's lap in a chair next to the bed. She has woken up wet, and I am sure each time she first woke and realized this wasn't a dream that she wasn't in Kansas anymore, and these 2 strange looking, smelling, smiling people were still there, and the family she'd known for 3 years was no where to be seen! So each nap was followed by lots of tears, and cuddles(with daddy), which seemed to bring back calm quickly, however this day I WAS the one to remove her from bed, which she took GREAT exception too, and then had to stripe her down (which brought shivers like I'd never seen before - the a/c that hadn't worked since we arrived finally decided to blow frigid air into the room, and on top of that -- you ever wake from a nice warm cozy nap and just can't get warm!!), anyway, these 2 strikes lead to a MAJOR meltdown by Ms. FengHua. She was a wreck, as she had a runny nose when we got her, the crying had lead to a coughing fit, runny nose, and all around mess of a child now nestled on Daddy's lap.
The Chamberdude finished his work, and turned with a jerk ... oh sorry, got wrapped up in the Christmas spirit for a minute there. A few moments later, the phone rings and its the front desk. Read this in your best very thick Chinese accent, "Hello, your child is sick? She have fever? You need help, thermometer, we get you to hospital?" WHAT!!!! WHOA THERE LITTLE FELLA!! WHAT?? My mind couldn't gather quick enough, now I"M the one shivering uncontrollably as the fear rolls over my body. We had been traveling at the height of the H1N1 scare, we had to pass heat sensors in the airports to enter the country, the news ran tons of stories about quarantined tourists, everyone around us was wearing masks -- and now the front desk of a hotel in a communist country is asking me if my chid is sick! No, God no... this can't be happening. I quickly explain that she hates me (no seriously that is what I said in my panic!!), that she was mad that I touched her, which made her cry hysterically, and that is why she looked so horrendous. NOT sick, I said, UPSET...you know, crying, makes her look like that, not sick, really she's not sick. Oh Yeah, Perry Mason has nothing on my slick speaking skills!!
He apologizes profusely, and hangs up. I IMMEDIATELY (do not pass go, do not collect $200) call our Chinese Guide, I'm talking even faster than I normally talk - which is probably breaking land speed records at this point. I implore her to call the front desk, make sure they are clear that our child is healthy (which I have to confess wasn't 100% the truth, they had given her to us with a slight fever and runny nose, but a little motrin later she wasn't sick no more!!). While ON the phone I'm shoving Children's Motrin at Kevin to force into Faith - just in case they show up at the door with a thermometer. OH I had visions of armed military at my door, escorting us to the nearest H1N1 invested Emergency room -- nope, not over active imagination here!! She is assuring me its ok, probably just a misunderstanding, no one was going to come banging the door down forcing temps to be taken.
I hang up ,and look at the clock its 3 p.m. - the divine mercy hour! HOW perfect...for I believe as Sr. Faustina relayed, that Jesus will grant whatever you ask during this time, as long as its not against His Father's holy will. I also realize that at some point in my phone conversations, I have ended up on my knees beside the bed. In the best position to pray, I make my request to Jesus, praying it is His Father's will that this be ok, without ER trips, or investigations. I pray the chaplet, and make a few more PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Lord make this ok!! The phone rings ... it is our guide. She tells us that the front desk manager is extremely embarassed by his mistake, that the housekeeper had been mistaken, and that they truly were just calling to see if they could help, not condemn us. It is a 5 star, swanky hotel after all - they want to make sure their patrons are well taken care of... I have to say , until the waiter brought room service, and was able to observe Faith -happy, healthy and snot free!! I could not relax (and ordered a nice Corona as relaxation insurance)!!
This story speaks to me on a few levels. First, how much I take my freedom for granted. How truly unaware I was of what it means to live in a democratic, free, society. Where my child can be ill, and all I have to worry about is getting them better, not whether I will be forced into seclusion because of it, or told what treatment they will be given. Second, how truly covered in prayer and God's divine mercy this trip was! How many big events in this trip happened during the 3 o'clock hour, which I didn't realize until going back through my journal. Here is just a few -- one of our most horrible turbulent flights (since it was that hour I was so comforted and at peace, so NOT like me!!), the swearing in ceremony (when we didn't know until we got there if the passport issue was going to bar us from participating and completing this step with the rest of our group, which would have delayed our returning home as well), and one of those cab rides for H E double hockey sticks!! That God would put this devotion on my heart this year, and so powerfully, providing that extra stength (grace) so I would be well equipped to deal with things, I'm not typically well equipped to deal with , is just more evidence of the existence of a loving, merciful, faithful God - unseen but present, without a doubt present!
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Our First month
Tomorrow marks our month anniversary of arriving back in America with Faith FengHua. A month that feels like a lifetime, so cliche but honestly I feel like she has been with us since her birth, minus the extra stretch marks!!
Mornings are by far my favorite time, especially on bath day. I can see why she has warmed to me, I'd like me too if I were her. Let's see, we cuddle her awake, then we get her breakfast - typically drinkable yogurt and fruit. She sits on my lap to eat, on my livingroom furniture, hmmm yeah she's spoiled, I don't even like when Kevin does that... well not the lap part, that would be painful. When its bath day , it is more like Faith's spa day!! She is bathed in a tempid bath, with lots of bubbles, toys and love. She gets a massage, a constant stream of water to keep her warm, and lots of fun! She is cuddled dry - LOVE the ducky and princess towels with the hoods, so cute! Then she is smathered in baby lotion, poor thing this forced hot air, dry winter air is not kind to her delicate skin... more massaging, and giggles, and bonding! I love, absolutely LOVE heading to the drawers each day for the cute outfits! The sea of pink and purple just send me to the moon of glee!! IF there were such a place, that is where I'd live during morning time!! Off to blow dry, though we are still fighting the pigtails and barretts, we do enjoy a nice styling session , we are working on creating some body over the flat spot. She needs a hair cut but I am not sure if we are ready to tramatize a hairdresser for that yet :)))
It is amazing how good she is during the boys morning lesson time. We sit her at the table with us, she gets alternating things to do that seem to really make her happy, and of course, are highly educational !! She loves coloring, stickers, playdoh, and building blocks. We also feed her to buy us a little extra time, she is a big fan of goldfish. I just love watching little kids feed themselves, the little fingers deftly picking up fishes and JAMMING them in there mouths!! Oh wait, that is every member of this family!!
Faith is doing very well with her signing, and I have to remind myself often that its only been a month, when I get a little frustrated that she doesn't know more (that is how well things are going I really forgot the small amount of time we've had her). Her receptive vocabulary is amazing - she understands (and is even starting to sign most of these words in addition to potty and kiss): sorry, please, thank you, poop (yes poop I gotta know what she is or needs to do right!), sleep, bed, slippers, shoes, clothes, doll...well you get the picture, all of our signing vocabulary is exploding!! Now to learn how to string them together -- in all due time!!
She has been so gracious with all the guests, we are excepting visitors now, please feel free to call or email if you would like to meet her majesty. We especially like guests who bring dinner ... hee hee Just kidding (though we won't turn away pizza carrying visitors!!). She has warmed to all our friends and family, going to most who put out their hands to her, especially if they are near a light switch or any object she'd like to play with (of particular interest anything she ISN'T suppose to have!!) Faith is learning how to play with other children, still choosing to hoard whatever toys are placed for them to share, but then completely blowing us away by offering the toy to the other child so gently and sweetly. She does a little tilt of her head, looks them in the face, and pokes the toy at them. OH we've also learned how to sign cute and funny, as we've needed those 2 words with her a great deal!!
The Advent season has been extra special with her in our lives. The lights thrill her, the decorations amuse her, and we pray somehow we are helping her start to discover the true meaning of the season with a child's play nativity. Concrete thoughts we can teach - we point and sign, but this one, this love of God, this needs to come from His Holy Spirit, and we do trust He has already put it in her heart, and continue to pray for it to take hold and blossom in the days and years ahead. We look forward to her Christening on Feb 21st, we are so blessed that our Pastor has agreed to do a Mass, and for it to be just a celebration of her initiation into our Catholic Christian faith. It was a hard decision to wait until after the holidays, but when we saw that the best date was Feb. 21st, and realized it is the 2 year anniversary of our first meeting at the Adoption Agency it seemed the perfect fit (just another awesome Godcidence) in this journey of Faith!!
I am going to start blogging the back story - of how we got to this point. The story is so amazing, that I am still in awe that God allowed me to be a part ... IF I didn't believe in God before we started our adoption story, I certainly would be now!! We pray it blesses all who read it ... as much as it has blessed us!!
Mornings are by far my favorite time, especially on bath day. I can see why she has warmed to me, I'd like me too if I were her. Let's see, we cuddle her awake, then we get her breakfast - typically drinkable yogurt and fruit. She sits on my lap to eat, on my livingroom furniture, hmmm yeah she's spoiled, I don't even like when Kevin does that... well not the lap part, that would be painful. When its bath day , it is more like Faith's spa day!! She is bathed in a tempid bath, with lots of bubbles, toys and love. She gets a massage, a constant stream of water to keep her warm, and lots of fun! She is cuddled dry - LOVE the ducky and princess towels with the hoods, so cute! Then she is smathered in baby lotion, poor thing this forced hot air, dry winter air is not kind to her delicate skin... more massaging, and giggles, and bonding! I love, absolutely LOVE heading to the drawers each day for the cute outfits! The sea of pink and purple just send me to the moon of glee!! IF there were such a place, that is where I'd live during morning time!! Off to blow dry, though we are still fighting the pigtails and barretts, we do enjoy a nice styling session , we are working on creating some body over the flat spot. She needs a hair cut but I am not sure if we are ready to tramatize a hairdresser for that yet :)))
It is amazing how good she is during the boys morning lesson time. We sit her at the table with us, she gets alternating things to do that seem to really make her happy, and of course, are highly educational !! She loves coloring, stickers, playdoh, and building blocks. We also feed her to buy us a little extra time, she is a big fan of goldfish. I just love watching little kids feed themselves, the little fingers deftly picking up fishes and JAMMING them in there mouths!! Oh wait, that is every member of this family!!
Faith is doing very well with her signing, and I have to remind myself often that its only been a month, when I get a little frustrated that she doesn't know more (that is how well things are going I really forgot the small amount of time we've had her). Her receptive vocabulary is amazing - she understands (and is even starting to sign most of these words in addition to potty and kiss): sorry, please, thank you, poop (yes poop I gotta know what she is or needs to do right!), sleep, bed, slippers, shoes, clothes, doll...well you get the picture, all of our signing vocabulary is exploding!! Now to learn how to string them together -- in all due time!!
She has been so gracious with all the guests, we are excepting visitors now, please feel free to call or email if you would like to meet her majesty. We especially like guests who bring dinner ... hee hee Just kidding (though we won't turn away pizza carrying visitors!!). She has warmed to all our friends and family, going to most who put out their hands to her, especially if they are near a light switch or any object she'd like to play with (of particular interest anything she ISN'T suppose to have!!) Faith is learning how to play with other children, still choosing to hoard whatever toys are placed for them to share, but then completely blowing us away by offering the toy to the other child so gently and sweetly. She does a little tilt of her head, looks them in the face, and pokes the toy at them. OH we've also learned how to sign cute and funny, as we've needed those 2 words with her a great deal!!
The Advent season has been extra special with her in our lives. The lights thrill her, the decorations amuse her, and we pray somehow we are helping her start to discover the true meaning of the season with a child's play nativity. Concrete thoughts we can teach - we point and sign, but this one, this love of God, this needs to come from His Holy Spirit, and we do trust He has already put it in her heart, and continue to pray for it to take hold and blossom in the days and years ahead. We look forward to her Christening on Feb 21st, we are so blessed that our Pastor has agreed to do a Mass, and for it to be just a celebration of her initiation into our Catholic Christian faith. It was a hard decision to wait until after the holidays, but when we saw that the best date was Feb. 21st, and realized it is the 2 year anniversary of our first meeting at the Adoption Agency it seemed the perfect fit (just another awesome Godcidence) in this journey of Faith!!
I am going to start blogging the back story - of how we got to this point. The story is so amazing, that I am still in awe that God allowed me to be a part ... IF I didn't believe in God before we started our adoption story, I certainly would be now!! We pray it blesses all who read it ... as much as it has blessed us!!
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Audiologist
We took Faith to the audiologist in Boston yesterday. Woke up at 6:00am, drove in 50 minutes (since I forgot to get in the HOV lane, oops), sat for 20 minutes to go to a 15 minute appointment where they resolved nothing. Yes, she's deaf, we kind of knew that.
Hopefully we will get some good leads and we did setup another appointment for January where they will put her to sleep and do a real test of her hearing testing all tones/frequencies or whatever else they do.
Then we took Ian on his birthday journey to Jordan's Furniture for a new mattress/tv deal. We also went to the Enchanted Village. It was packed for a weekday but worth the wait. I loved it when the fake snow kicked in, Faith thought that was cool, her reaction to it was cool, so excited she didn't know how to deal with it!
Hopefully we will get some good leads and we did setup another appointment for January where they will put her to sleep and do a real test of her hearing testing all tones/frequencies or whatever else they do.
Then we took Ian on his birthday journey to Jordan's Furniture for a new mattress/tv deal. We also went to the Enchanted Village. It was packed for a weekday but worth the wait. I loved it when the fake snow kicked in, Faith thought that was cool, her reaction to it was cool, so excited she didn't know how to deal with it!
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