Monday in a Nutshell

I wish I could just scan my journal into the computer !! It chalk full of the day's many adventures... guess you'll just have to read the book (ha ha).  Let me try to wrap it into a nice readable - without having to use your whole lunch hour.  If I repeat anything Kevin said sorry , I didn't read his post yet (shhhh don't tell him).

Our first day together was far better than any of my anxieties allowed me to believe! She did take right to us, and actually did not cry until Kevin had to leave with the guide to change our orphanage donation from US to Yuan, and visit Walmart for water and her milk.  Her milk comes in a 'juice box' type container, very cute - but I have to be honest gives her the worse breath lol  -- not that we might dragon breath when it comes from such an adorable package!!

So it is that 3 hours I will blog about because out of the whole day it was the most significant to me.  It actually turned out to be a God directed time for us, as she is very attached to her Foster father, so naturally is gravitating more to Kevin. From the reports we recieved, I was prepared for it - but no one who has waited a lifetime for something can really be prepared for your daughter rejecting you when daddy is around ... but more on that later.  It is this time that God allowed me, to give me strength to know in my heart that this is an enormous process for her - profound loss will accompany the gains.  She must grieve, and in the process if she has comfort from any source, I would certainly never begrudge her that.  God's plans are perfect, and I have great faith :) in them!!

So our 3 hours alone for bonding ... first she cried, so hard she threw up (may also have to do with her slight congestion and cough - very flemmy). So as I caught the vomit (sorry if that was graphic) and grabbed a towel to catch the next round, I realized, OH yeah I'm her mom -- cuz it didn't gross me out, I just did what needed to be.  This lead to her first bath - which despite the bubbles and toys, and my antics only partically appeased her - but now she smelt great!!  She was super cooperative getting her clothes on, even though a periodic wimper or out and out cry would come - she does make noise , OH my yes, she makes LOTS of noise!!  She even cooperated putting her (first pair) of undies on the right way, after silly mommy put them on backwards!!  The first outfit I choose was her little jeans (p.s. wondering minds she's a 3T - barely...she is sooooooo tiny!!), a rose short sleeve, white socks with fringe and rose barrets!! OH fun!!  She loved me playing with her hair, and would turn side to side to admire the barretts, touching them, looking at me, and admiring them again.

After the bath the entertaining (aka distracting) show began!! Still distraught by daddy's leaving, pointing to the door and crying  - I began searching for common ground on which to establish my own bond with her.  I was not allowed peek a boo, which she had initated with kevin during our ride home, and belongs only to him.  When she wants you to stop or doesn't want anything she waves her open hand side to side - its ADORABLE!! Even when she is breaking your heart!! So I moved on to toys we moved from playdoh, to figurines, to finally the colorwonder markers where we found our shared activity! She LOVES to 'color' -- yeah me too, and so we sat , her on my lap for a 1/2 hour covering and uncovering markers and scribbling together.

She drew tired, and began to fuss again.  I moved to the only chair in the room,not a rocker or swivel, and she curled up close to my chest, arms wrapped around me - now back to hysterics... probably more out of exhaustion and confusion then anything, as she had stopped pointing and looking for Kevin.  I rejoiced in her trust that whoever I was I would somehow keep her safe.  I held her tight, and rocked, swayed, jossled her with my legs and body, until she feel asleep in my arms!!  What a gift I realized this was - her, my daughter finally in my arms after 2 years of dreaming.  I covered her in prayer - seeking comfort and courage for her journey ahead.  For strength to battle her cold, and that someday she'd realize the miracle of God placing her live in ours, and that the world of language and real communication was at her fingerips !!

As soon as Kevin arrived back, she returned to pretty much solely seeking his comforting arms (heck who could blame her, they've been my rock and shelter for 25 years and it's not done me any harm!!)  We have this glimmers that God allows me keeping me strong and confident that this light and momentary affliction has in it a spiritual growth necessary for my salvation, and like all from God I accept it with His Grace to bring me through.  

Although this sounds probably all dramatic and sad, there are so many lights - so let me end bysharign those!!  She allows me to brush her teeth, change her clothes, help her use the potty (I'll share why this is a funny adventure in another blog), will accept some food from me, will sit on my lap and scribble with me, and if Kevin is absent  CLINGS TO me, she even runs into my arms when I put them out.  And just before I got up to blog, she woke (she is sleeping between us) - kevin's back was to her and we were face to face. I have to scrunch my face at her instead of smile (don't ask - just know my smile invokes a wave on that magic open 5 hand!!) - I put out my hand, and she put hers in it, and drifted back to sleep! 

God Bless you all for your amazing support - I have never myself been covered in prayer before this trip.  I can not begin to describe how amazing that feels!!  We long to be home, so that you can all experience this precious child in person... but we know that each moment has a blessing in it designed purposefully by God, and we don't wish to miss a single one.  So, we wait on Him, and know we'll be home before we know it!!