This afternoon while Faith and I enjoyed a quiet lunch together, I was struck by just how quiet life can be sometimes. The soft ticking of the clock and hum of the refridgerator was all I heard, while I know her lunch was even quieter. As I look at her precious little face, I am struck that we are definitely not signing to her as often as we should - limiting it to direct needs or commands. As I had just finished reciting the prayer before meals, I try to sign it now with her, but her random signing back to me shows that while making progress memorizing signs, the meanings are still lost to her.
We've seen a lot of this, just a random barrage of signs when she is trying to convey something to us - she signs Faith, please, bed, finished, daddy, potty, all in a string, hoping that one of these silly things people keep doing in her face with their hands will get them to jump up and help her with whatever the present need is. Kevin complained, rightly so yesterday, that all we seem to be saying to her lately is "No". Although I wholeheartedly agree and would love to be more positive in my communications especially around things that are dangerous, I am finding it much easier to tell someone NO to what they are doing, then explaining BEFORE they do it, that it isn't something they can do! Think that sentence is confusing, try being a non-english speaking 3 year old trying to explore your environment with overprotective English-speaking, hearing parents who are constantly shadowing you and redirecting you from all that looks fun. We tell her yes, but it seems those things are not quite as intriguing as the 'no' areas -- stove, buttons on the dishwasher, my camera, the portable phones that get left all around the house, outlets, stairs, toilets... the typical toddler stuff of interest.
The area of real frustration for me however is in communicating things of deeper meaning. For instance, today I was really sad about something (not that I would discuss the problem with a 3 year old) but what I would have loved to have shared, was how I turned to the bible for guidance, and opened right to a passage that answered me in the exact way I needed. Let me note it was NOT what I wanted God to say, I was looking for a "yeah don't sweat it, you can ignore it" but what I got was "you can do this with my help, it is not for you to judge but to do according to my Will". Augh, I hate those answers, those are the ones that make us more like God, and less like our pitiful human selves, and although the grow us spiritually always come with a little discomfort or sacrafice on our part -- but alas I digress. I wanted to share what an amazing and loving Father in Heaven we have, and that it had made Mommy' sad change to glad. I have to admit I did sign it all to her, the best I could, and received back a barrage of random signs -- cute but didn't really instill confidence that I am getting through.
The next moment I was back to the 'nos' -- or the 'don'ts' in this case. Gently trying to teach that we don't stick the opposite end of the spoon in our eyes, nose or mouth. That napkins are for wiping our hands and mouths, not the cheesy spoon. That we need to chew the food in our mouth, not suck on it like chewing tobacco ( a new habit we are perplexed by but working through as we realize these are all new textures and tastes). The time will come when I can share with her the wonder of the snow on the ground, the beating of my heart for her and for my Lord, and can explain all the yesses in the world!
Although this all saddens me, but I am quickly reminded its only been 6 weeks, that time will prove this all different, just as it did with our connecting back in China. I pray that her language acquisition comes as quickly as her love acquisition did !!
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Waiting for Faith
This was first posted on Facebook, but realizing not all the blog followers have FB, I decided to post it here too. I am hoping to start blogging the back story - the how we got to this point, which was filled with so many Godcidences , that if I DIDN'T believe in God before this journey, I'd be hard pressed not to now!!! God directed throughout (and of course, still) ... this was a very powerful night of prayer and communication with God, I pray it blesses you as well!!
Patience is defined by dictionary.com as an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay. Christian definitions include ideas of letting go of our own plan and leaving God in control, its an act of love, and fruit of living in the Holy Spirit of God. it’s a virtue, because it is a very valuable personality characteristic. One I have discovered is of utmost necessity when adopting from a foreign country. The other virtue of importance is that of faith. Faith is defined in the Catholic Catechism a theological virtue by which we believe in God and we believe all that he has said and revealed to us. This week has been filled with more practice in these than ever before in my life, alas practice makes perfect.
The next leg of our journey to Faith, began on Monday night (very late Monday night). I began to feel an overwhelming sense of fear and dread. I ventured into Faith’s bedroom, whose door I keep closed most of the time because its hard to see it empty. Suddenly I was just overcome with emotion, I dropped to my knees on the side of her bed and began to sob. The type of sobs that come from so deep within you , they almost produce fear on their own, because they are raw, and uncontrollable - but very healing. I cried out to the Lord all my fears. “Are you sure God that we are the family to do this work? I am filled with anxiety about travel, and being able to console this nearly 4 year old being ripped from the only world she knows, with no way of communicating the plan.” The words spilled from my heart, the deep fears I’ve been fighting, hiding, holding on to. I could no longer bear it alone, and I gave them all to God -- just as Jesus instructs us in Matthew 11: 28 - 30:
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Feeling indeed unburdened by this moment, I headed into the kitchen to prepare the boys assignments for the next day. God in his ultimate love and compassion places before me three signs that bring more light to my heavy spirit. First, the notepad I grab, from a tin of at least 6 notepads is adorned with a giant beautiful butterfly. I had been seeing a butterfly as a sign of hope, daily, since an intense prayer session about 2 weeks earlier. You see, butterflies are deaf, just as is my daughter, and it is a beautiful symbol to remind me of her, and the loving arms both of are held in each day as we wait to be united.
Second, as I calculate which saint my son was to read about the next day, I turn to St. Don Bosco in his book. He happens to be one of my favorite saints because of his devotion to Mary, love of confession, and heart for children in need. The quote for the day on Don Bosco’s page, “Please pray today for all the children with no homes and no families.”
Third, as I’m placing the books on the counter for the morning, I glance at our scriptural flipchart that sits under the Sacred Heart of Jesus icon. It had been flipped to Proverbs 3:5-6:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths. You are great at putting your trust in God. Keep following him and you will be amazed at what he does.
A warmth filled my being, the one that comes with peace knowing you are not alone, and that God is not only hearing you but reaching out to answer. This verse has been very prominent in the adoption process, emerging last July, when a friend gave me a huge plaque with the word TRUST on it, and the first line of the verse. She creates these with people’s life verses on them, and said she felt inspired to create it for me. To be honest, at first I was disappointed, as I had always counted Gal 2:20 (It is no longer I who lives, but Christ who lives in me), as my life verse. It was so beautiful, and being a prayerful person, I knew that indeed God had wanted this for me and that within time it would be revealed. Faithfully it has, over and over again, and always JUST when I need to be reminded that a life of faith, is also a life of trust in the one who created me, wants only good for me, and loves me immeasurably.
Although comforted by these signs, I knew God had more to share. I felt a very strong desire to sit quietly with his word. On many occasions before God has spoken light and love into my heart through the reading of scripture. I searched for one of my 7 bibles, but I had cleaned that day, and they were all tucked away on shelves, in bible study bags, or upstairs with my sleeping husband. The one book left out was St. Maria Faustina’s diary. As I looked down at it, I was reminded of a conversation I had with my husband the day before when he revealed that even Sr. Faustina had experienced moments of fear. Early this summer I had begun a devotion to the Divine Mercy (the prayer given to us by Jesus through his conversations with Sr. Faustina), praying the chaplet everyday at 3 o’clock. Inspired, I grabbed the book and returned to Faith’s bedroom.
I sat in the near dark on her floor, and prayed over the book. Lord, I asked, lead me to where she writes about her fear so that I may learn from her experience. I opened the book, but was first lead to day six of the Divine Mercy novena. Here Jesus states:
Today bring to Me the meek and humble souls and the souls of the little children, and immerse them in My mercy. These souls most closely resemble My Heart. They strengthened Me during My bitter agony. I saw them as earthly Angles, who would keep vigil at My altars. I pour out upon them whole torrents of grace. Only the humble soul I able to receive My grace. I favor humble souls with My confidence.
Sr. Faustina enters into her journal about learning from Jesus. I thought about the scripture readings where the little children are brought to Jesus, and we are counseled to have faith like a child. I thought about Jesus love for Faith, and the grace he had and will continue to pour over her during this transition in her own life. My heart longed to be humble and meek, and I prayed for forgiveness of my sins and for a blessing of grace to understand and accept God’s plan without fear.
Once more, I prayed asking to be lead to the page in this nearly 700 page book where Sr. Faustina shares with Jesus her fear. I opened the book to page 345, the diary entry for January 14, 1937 where Jesus first words to her are, “My daughter, why are you giving in to thoughts of fear?” Tears flowed down my cheeks, I put the book aside, and laid prostrate on the floor praising and thanking God for this gift (even though I had not read another word yet, I KNEW I was enveloped in his loving embrace and would soon be counseled by Jesus himself). Excitedly I returned to the book and read on.
Sr. Faustina wrote, “O Lord, You know why. This work frightens me. You know that I am incapable of carrying it out.” Jesus presses, asking again, “Why?” At which point, she much like I had done an hour before spills it all out. I am going to add what thoughts were racing through my head in brackets as I read her words.
You see very well that I am not in good health [for me, it’s an ongoing struggle with anxiety], that I have no education [for me, I thought of the doubts that come when I am challenged on whether I can teach a deaf child language.], that I have no money [self explanatory], that I am an abyss of misery [see early part of story when I knelt in the same spot wailing just moments before], that I fear contacts with people [for me, I thought of my absolute obsession with avoiding the piggy flu, and my sometimes consuming worry about the consequences if we can not].
It is Jesus’ reply that is PRICELESS!!! There was no doubt as I read, that he was talking directly to me, and once again I will interject my thoughts as I read with brackets.
My daughter, what you have said is true. You are very miserable [way to console me gently], and it pleased Me to carry out this work of mercy precisely through you [are you ready for this] -- who are nothing but misery itself. [Yes, by now I am wholeheartedly humbled. Which is perfect because now I am open to God’s perfect plan, and to receive the peace and strength he is trying to send me, that up to now I had been rejecting out of fear and doubt.] DO NOT FEAR; I will not leave you alone. [Thank you, Jesus]. Do whatever you can in this matter; I will accomplish everything that is lacking in you. You know what is within your power to do; do that.
Here in the last few sentences was the instruction I so desperately needed. As well as the assurance that I am not capable of doing this, that without God it is impossible, but that HE will bring to completion the good work he has begun. That I will be equipped with all I need according to what is needed, and I don’t even have to think about the unknown in this situation but only what is in my power. So I laid against the wall, eyes to the heavens and pondered what in this situation was within my power. Praying and preparing -- so that is what I resolved to do.
Patience is defined by dictionary.com as an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay. Christian definitions include ideas of letting go of our own plan and leaving God in control, its an act of love, and fruit of living in the Holy Spirit of God. it’s a virtue, because it is a very valuable personality characteristic. One I have discovered is of utmost necessity when adopting from a foreign country. The other virtue of importance is that of faith. Faith is defined in the Catholic Catechism a theological virtue by which we believe in God and we believe all that he has said and revealed to us. This week has been filled with more practice in these than ever before in my life, alas practice makes perfect.
The next leg of our journey to Faith, began on Monday night (very late Monday night). I began to feel an overwhelming sense of fear and dread. I ventured into Faith’s bedroom, whose door I keep closed most of the time because its hard to see it empty. Suddenly I was just overcome with emotion, I dropped to my knees on the side of her bed and began to sob. The type of sobs that come from so deep within you , they almost produce fear on their own, because they are raw, and uncontrollable - but very healing. I cried out to the Lord all my fears. “Are you sure God that we are the family to do this work? I am filled with anxiety about travel, and being able to console this nearly 4 year old being ripped from the only world she knows, with no way of communicating the plan.” The words spilled from my heart, the deep fears I’ve been fighting, hiding, holding on to. I could no longer bear it alone, and I gave them all to God -- just as Jesus instructs us in Matthew 11: 28 - 30:
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Feeling indeed unburdened by this moment, I headed into the kitchen to prepare the boys assignments for the next day. God in his ultimate love and compassion places before me three signs that bring more light to my heavy spirit. First, the notepad I grab, from a tin of at least 6 notepads is adorned with a giant beautiful butterfly. I had been seeing a butterfly as a sign of hope, daily, since an intense prayer session about 2 weeks earlier. You see, butterflies are deaf, just as is my daughter, and it is a beautiful symbol to remind me of her, and the loving arms both of are held in each day as we wait to be united.
Second, as I calculate which saint my son was to read about the next day, I turn to St. Don Bosco in his book. He happens to be one of my favorite saints because of his devotion to Mary, love of confession, and heart for children in need. The quote for the day on Don Bosco’s page, “Please pray today for all the children with no homes and no families.”
Third, as I’m placing the books on the counter for the morning, I glance at our scriptural flipchart that sits under the Sacred Heart of Jesus icon. It had been flipped to Proverbs 3:5-6:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths. You are great at putting your trust in God. Keep following him and you will be amazed at what he does.
A warmth filled my being, the one that comes with peace knowing you are not alone, and that God is not only hearing you but reaching out to answer. This verse has been very prominent in the adoption process, emerging last July, when a friend gave me a huge plaque with the word TRUST on it, and the first line of the verse. She creates these with people’s life verses on them, and said she felt inspired to create it for me. To be honest, at first I was disappointed, as I had always counted Gal 2:20 (It is no longer I who lives, but Christ who lives in me), as my life verse. It was so beautiful, and being a prayerful person, I knew that indeed God had wanted this for me and that within time it would be revealed. Faithfully it has, over and over again, and always JUST when I need to be reminded that a life of faith, is also a life of trust in the one who created me, wants only good for me, and loves me immeasurably.
Although comforted by these signs, I knew God had more to share. I felt a very strong desire to sit quietly with his word. On many occasions before God has spoken light and love into my heart through the reading of scripture. I searched for one of my 7 bibles, but I had cleaned that day, and they were all tucked away on shelves, in bible study bags, or upstairs with my sleeping husband. The one book left out was St. Maria Faustina’s diary. As I looked down at it, I was reminded of a conversation I had with my husband the day before when he revealed that even Sr. Faustina had experienced moments of fear. Early this summer I had begun a devotion to the Divine Mercy (the prayer given to us by Jesus through his conversations with Sr. Faustina), praying the chaplet everyday at 3 o’clock. Inspired, I grabbed the book and returned to Faith’s bedroom.
I sat in the near dark on her floor, and prayed over the book. Lord, I asked, lead me to where she writes about her fear so that I may learn from her experience. I opened the book, but was first lead to day six of the Divine Mercy novena. Here Jesus states:
Today bring to Me the meek and humble souls and the souls of the little children, and immerse them in My mercy. These souls most closely resemble My Heart. They strengthened Me during My bitter agony. I saw them as earthly Angles, who would keep vigil at My altars. I pour out upon them whole torrents of grace. Only the humble soul I able to receive My grace. I favor humble souls with My confidence.
Sr. Faustina enters into her journal about learning from Jesus. I thought about the scripture readings where the little children are brought to Jesus, and we are counseled to have faith like a child. I thought about Jesus love for Faith, and the grace he had and will continue to pour over her during this transition in her own life. My heart longed to be humble and meek, and I prayed for forgiveness of my sins and for a blessing of grace to understand and accept God’s plan without fear.
Once more, I prayed asking to be lead to the page in this nearly 700 page book where Sr. Faustina shares with Jesus her fear. I opened the book to page 345, the diary entry for January 14, 1937 where Jesus first words to her are, “My daughter, why are you giving in to thoughts of fear?” Tears flowed down my cheeks, I put the book aside, and laid prostrate on the floor praising and thanking God for this gift (even though I had not read another word yet, I KNEW I was enveloped in his loving embrace and would soon be counseled by Jesus himself). Excitedly I returned to the book and read on.
Sr. Faustina wrote, “O Lord, You know why. This work frightens me. You know that I am incapable of carrying it out.” Jesus presses, asking again, “Why?” At which point, she much like I had done an hour before spills it all out. I am going to add what thoughts were racing through my head in brackets as I read her words.
You see very well that I am not in good health [for me, it’s an ongoing struggle with anxiety], that I have no education [for me, I thought of the doubts that come when I am challenged on whether I can teach a deaf child language.], that I have no money [self explanatory], that I am an abyss of misery [see early part of story when I knelt in the same spot wailing just moments before], that I fear contacts with people [for me, I thought of my absolute obsession with avoiding the piggy flu, and my sometimes consuming worry about the consequences if we can not].
It is Jesus’ reply that is PRICELESS!!! There was no doubt as I read, that he was talking directly to me, and once again I will interject my thoughts as I read with brackets.
My daughter, what you have said is true. You are very miserable [way to console me gently], and it pleased Me to carry out this work of mercy precisely through you [are you ready for this] -- who are nothing but misery itself. [Yes, by now I am wholeheartedly humbled. Which is perfect because now I am open to God’s perfect plan, and to receive the peace and strength he is trying to send me, that up to now I had been rejecting out of fear and doubt.] DO NOT FEAR; I will not leave you alone. [Thank you, Jesus]. Do whatever you can in this matter; I will accomplish everything that is lacking in you. You know what is within your power to do; do that.
Here in the last few sentences was the instruction I so desperately needed. As well as the assurance that I am not capable of doing this, that without God it is impossible, but that HE will bring to completion the good work he has begun. That I will be equipped with all I need according to what is needed, and I don’t even have to think about the unknown in this situation but only what is in my power. So I laid against the wall, eyes to the heavens and pondered what in this situation was within my power. Praying and preparing -- so that is what I resolved to do.
A scary moment in Wuhan
I've been meaning to blog this event from our trip that we intentionally left out while there as to not worry our parents back home. One of the scariest moments for us in China came on day 2 of having custody of Faith. We had put her down for a nap, but had forgotten to put on a pull up. Like is very common in 3 year olds, she wet the bed during her nap. It was a soaker - who'd a thought such a little person held so much urine!! We had no choice but to call housekeeping to come change the sheets. Now what transpired next SHOULD have been the scariest part of this story, but unfortunately, it got worse. The housekeeper ( a sweet looking and tiny little man/boy) came with a new duvet cover for our comforter. See hotels in china don't have top sheets or blankets, just a nice cozy comforter with a fresh (you pray) duvet cover...perfect choose for the warm climate we were visiting! Anyway, he FLIPS THE very large comforter to put the PEE part at the foot of the bed, and puts on the new duvet. YUP - leaves the comforter -- I have heard pee is sterile, and I had to keep with that thought or else I'd never get back into that or any other bed in China ever again!!! Luckily it was the middle, and her little legs didn't reach down there anyway.
As he is changing the sheets, Faith is sitting in Daddy's lap in a chair next to the bed. She has woken up wet, and I am sure each time she first woke and realized this wasn't a dream that she wasn't in Kansas anymore, and these 2 strange looking, smelling, smiling people were still there, and the family she'd known for 3 years was no where to be seen! So each nap was followed by lots of tears, and cuddles(with daddy), which seemed to bring back calm quickly, however this day I WAS the one to remove her from bed, which she took GREAT exception too, and then had to stripe her down (which brought shivers like I'd never seen before - the a/c that hadn't worked since we arrived finally decided to blow frigid air into the room, and on top of that -- you ever wake from a nice warm cozy nap and just can't get warm!!), anyway, these 2 strikes lead to a MAJOR meltdown by Ms. FengHua. She was a wreck, as she had a runny nose when we got her, the crying had lead to a coughing fit, runny nose, and all around mess of a child now nestled on Daddy's lap.
The Chamberdude finished his work, and turned with a jerk ... oh sorry, got wrapped up in the Christmas spirit for a minute there. A few moments later, the phone rings and its the front desk. Read this in your best very thick Chinese accent, "Hello, your child is sick? She have fever? You need help, thermometer, we get you to hospital?" WHAT!!!! WHOA THERE LITTLE FELLA!! WHAT?? My mind couldn't gather quick enough, now I"M the one shivering uncontrollably as the fear rolls over my body. We had been traveling at the height of the H1N1 scare, we had to pass heat sensors in the airports to enter the country, the news ran tons of stories about quarantined tourists, everyone around us was wearing masks -- and now the front desk of a hotel in a communist country is asking me if my chid is sick! No, God no... this can't be happening. I quickly explain that she hates me (no seriously that is what I said in my panic!!), that she was mad that I touched her, which made her cry hysterically, and that is why she looked so horrendous. NOT sick, I said, UPSET...you know, crying, makes her look like that, not sick, really she's not sick. Oh Yeah, Perry Mason has nothing on my slick speaking skills!!
He apologizes profusely, and hangs up. I IMMEDIATELY (do not pass go, do not collect $200) call our Chinese Guide, I'm talking even faster than I normally talk - which is probably breaking land speed records at this point. I implore her to call the front desk, make sure they are clear that our child is healthy (which I have to confess wasn't 100% the truth, they had given her to us with a slight fever and runny nose, but a little motrin later she wasn't sick no more!!). While ON the phone I'm shoving Children's Motrin at Kevin to force into Faith - just in case they show up at the door with a thermometer. OH I had visions of armed military at my door, escorting us to the nearest H1N1 invested Emergency room -- nope, not over active imagination here!! She is assuring me its ok, probably just a misunderstanding, no one was going to come banging the door down forcing temps to be taken.
I hang up ,and look at the clock its 3 p.m. - the divine mercy hour! HOW perfect...for I believe as Sr. Faustina relayed, that Jesus will grant whatever you ask during this time, as long as its not against His Father's holy will. I also realize that at some point in my phone conversations, I have ended up on my knees beside the bed. In the best position to pray, I make my request to Jesus, praying it is His Father's will that this be ok, without ER trips, or investigations. I pray the chaplet, and make a few more PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Lord make this ok!! The phone rings ... it is our guide. She tells us that the front desk manager is extremely embarassed by his mistake, that the housekeeper had been mistaken, and that they truly were just calling to see if they could help, not condemn us. It is a 5 star, swanky hotel after all - they want to make sure their patrons are well taken care of... I have to say , until the waiter brought room service, and was able to observe Faith -happy, healthy and snot free!! I could not relax (and ordered a nice Corona as relaxation insurance)!!
This story speaks to me on a few levels. First, how much I take my freedom for granted. How truly unaware I was of what it means to live in a democratic, free, society. Where my child can be ill, and all I have to worry about is getting them better, not whether I will be forced into seclusion because of it, or told what treatment they will be given. Second, how truly covered in prayer and God's divine mercy this trip was! How many big events in this trip happened during the 3 o'clock hour, which I didn't realize until going back through my journal. Here is just a few -- one of our most horrible turbulent flights (since it was that hour I was so comforted and at peace, so NOT like me!!), the swearing in ceremony (when we didn't know until we got there if the passport issue was going to bar us from participating and completing this step with the rest of our group, which would have delayed our returning home as well), and one of those cab rides for H E double hockey sticks!! That God would put this devotion on my heart this year, and so powerfully, providing that extra stength (grace) so I would be well equipped to deal with things, I'm not typically well equipped to deal with , is just more evidence of the existence of a loving, merciful, faithful God - unseen but present, without a doubt present!
As he is changing the sheets, Faith is sitting in Daddy's lap in a chair next to the bed. She has woken up wet, and I am sure each time she first woke and realized this wasn't a dream that she wasn't in Kansas anymore, and these 2 strange looking, smelling, smiling people were still there, and the family she'd known for 3 years was no where to be seen! So each nap was followed by lots of tears, and cuddles(with daddy), which seemed to bring back calm quickly, however this day I WAS the one to remove her from bed, which she took GREAT exception too, and then had to stripe her down (which brought shivers like I'd never seen before - the a/c that hadn't worked since we arrived finally decided to blow frigid air into the room, and on top of that -- you ever wake from a nice warm cozy nap and just can't get warm!!), anyway, these 2 strikes lead to a MAJOR meltdown by Ms. FengHua. She was a wreck, as she had a runny nose when we got her, the crying had lead to a coughing fit, runny nose, and all around mess of a child now nestled on Daddy's lap.
The Chamberdude finished his work, and turned with a jerk ... oh sorry, got wrapped up in the Christmas spirit for a minute there. A few moments later, the phone rings and its the front desk. Read this in your best very thick Chinese accent, "Hello, your child is sick? She have fever? You need help, thermometer, we get you to hospital?" WHAT!!!! WHOA THERE LITTLE FELLA!! WHAT?? My mind couldn't gather quick enough, now I"M the one shivering uncontrollably as the fear rolls over my body. We had been traveling at the height of the H1N1 scare, we had to pass heat sensors in the airports to enter the country, the news ran tons of stories about quarantined tourists, everyone around us was wearing masks -- and now the front desk of a hotel in a communist country is asking me if my chid is sick! No, God no... this can't be happening. I quickly explain that she hates me (no seriously that is what I said in my panic!!), that she was mad that I touched her, which made her cry hysterically, and that is why she looked so horrendous. NOT sick, I said, UPSET...you know, crying, makes her look like that, not sick, really she's not sick. Oh Yeah, Perry Mason has nothing on my slick speaking skills!!
He apologizes profusely, and hangs up. I IMMEDIATELY (do not pass go, do not collect $200) call our Chinese Guide, I'm talking even faster than I normally talk - which is probably breaking land speed records at this point. I implore her to call the front desk, make sure they are clear that our child is healthy (which I have to confess wasn't 100% the truth, they had given her to us with a slight fever and runny nose, but a little motrin later she wasn't sick no more!!). While ON the phone I'm shoving Children's Motrin at Kevin to force into Faith - just in case they show up at the door with a thermometer. OH I had visions of armed military at my door, escorting us to the nearest H1N1 invested Emergency room -- nope, not over active imagination here!! She is assuring me its ok, probably just a misunderstanding, no one was going to come banging the door down forcing temps to be taken.
I hang up ,and look at the clock its 3 p.m. - the divine mercy hour! HOW perfect...for I believe as Sr. Faustina relayed, that Jesus will grant whatever you ask during this time, as long as its not against His Father's holy will. I also realize that at some point in my phone conversations, I have ended up on my knees beside the bed. In the best position to pray, I make my request to Jesus, praying it is His Father's will that this be ok, without ER trips, or investigations. I pray the chaplet, and make a few more PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Lord make this ok!! The phone rings ... it is our guide. She tells us that the front desk manager is extremely embarassed by his mistake, that the housekeeper had been mistaken, and that they truly were just calling to see if they could help, not condemn us. It is a 5 star, swanky hotel after all - they want to make sure their patrons are well taken care of... I have to say , until the waiter brought room service, and was able to observe Faith -happy, healthy and snot free!! I could not relax (and ordered a nice Corona as relaxation insurance)!!
This story speaks to me on a few levels. First, how much I take my freedom for granted. How truly unaware I was of what it means to live in a democratic, free, society. Where my child can be ill, and all I have to worry about is getting them better, not whether I will be forced into seclusion because of it, or told what treatment they will be given. Second, how truly covered in prayer and God's divine mercy this trip was! How many big events in this trip happened during the 3 o'clock hour, which I didn't realize until going back through my journal. Here is just a few -- one of our most horrible turbulent flights (since it was that hour I was so comforted and at peace, so NOT like me!!), the swearing in ceremony (when we didn't know until we got there if the passport issue was going to bar us from participating and completing this step with the rest of our group, which would have delayed our returning home as well), and one of those cab rides for H E double hockey sticks!! That God would put this devotion on my heart this year, and so powerfully, providing that extra stength (grace) so I would be well equipped to deal with things, I'm not typically well equipped to deal with , is just more evidence of the existence of a loving, merciful, faithful God - unseen but present, without a doubt present!
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Our First month
Tomorrow marks our month anniversary of arriving back in America with Faith FengHua. A month that feels like a lifetime, so cliche but honestly I feel like she has been with us since her birth, minus the extra stretch marks!!
Mornings are by far my favorite time, especially on bath day. I can see why she has warmed to me, I'd like me too if I were her. Let's see, we cuddle her awake, then we get her breakfast - typically drinkable yogurt and fruit. She sits on my lap to eat, on my livingroom furniture, hmmm yeah she's spoiled, I don't even like when Kevin does that... well not the lap part, that would be painful. When its bath day , it is more like Faith's spa day!! She is bathed in a tempid bath, with lots of bubbles, toys and love. She gets a massage, a constant stream of water to keep her warm, and lots of fun! She is cuddled dry - LOVE the ducky and princess towels with the hoods, so cute! Then she is smathered in baby lotion, poor thing this forced hot air, dry winter air is not kind to her delicate skin... more massaging, and giggles, and bonding! I love, absolutely LOVE heading to the drawers each day for the cute outfits! The sea of pink and purple just send me to the moon of glee!! IF there were such a place, that is where I'd live during morning time!! Off to blow dry, though we are still fighting the pigtails and barretts, we do enjoy a nice styling session , we are working on creating some body over the flat spot. She needs a hair cut but I am not sure if we are ready to tramatize a hairdresser for that yet :)))
It is amazing how good she is during the boys morning lesson time. We sit her at the table with us, she gets alternating things to do that seem to really make her happy, and of course, are highly educational !! She loves coloring, stickers, playdoh, and building blocks. We also feed her to buy us a little extra time, she is a big fan of goldfish. I just love watching little kids feed themselves, the little fingers deftly picking up fishes and JAMMING them in there mouths!! Oh wait, that is every member of this family!!
Faith is doing very well with her signing, and I have to remind myself often that its only been a month, when I get a little frustrated that she doesn't know more (that is how well things are going I really forgot the small amount of time we've had her). Her receptive vocabulary is amazing - she understands (and is even starting to sign most of these words in addition to potty and kiss): sorry, please, thank you, poop (yes poop I gotta know what she is or needs to do right!), sleep, bed, slippers, shoes, clothes, doll...well you get the picture, all of our signing vocabulary is exploding!! Now to learn how to string them together -- in all due time!!
She has been so gracious with all the guests, we are excepting visitors now, please feel free to call or email if you would like to meet her majesty. We especially like guests who bring dinner ... hee hee Just kidding (though we won't turn away pizza carrying visitors!!). She has warmed to all our friends and family, going to most who put out their hands to her, especially if they are near a light switch or any object she'd like to play with (of particular interest anything she ISN'T suppose to have!!) Faith is learning how to play with other children, still choosing to hoard whatever toys are placed for them to share, but then completely blowing us away by offering the toy to the other child so gently and sweetly. She does a little tilt of her head, looks them in the face, and pokes the toy at them. OH we've also learned how to sign cute and funny, as we've needed those 2 words with her a great deal!!
The Advent season has been extra special with her in our lives. The lights thrill her, the decorations amuse her, and we pray somehow we are helping her start to discover the true meaning of the season with a child's play nativity. Concrete thoughts we can teach - we point and sign, but this one, this love of God, this needs to come from His Holy Spirit, and we do trust He has already put it in her heart, and continue to pray for it to take hold and blossom in the days and years ahead. We look forward to her Christening on Feb 21st, we are so blessed that our Pastor has agreed to do a Mass, and for it to be just a celebration of her initiation into our Catholic Christian faith. It was a hard decision to wait until after the holidays, but when we saw that the best date was Feb. 21st, and realized it is the 2 year anniversary of our first meeting at the Adoption Agency it seemed the perfect fit (just another awesome Godcidence) in this journey of Faith!!
I am going to start blogging the back story - of how we got to this point. The story is so amazing, that I am still in awe that God allowed me to be a part ... IF I didn't believe in God before we started our adoption story, I certainly would be now!! We pray it blesses all who read it ... as much as it has blessed us!!
Mornings are by far my favorite time, especially on bath day. I can see why she has warmed to me, I'd like me too if I were her. Let's see, we cuddle her awake, then we get her breakfast - typically drinkable yogurt and fruit. She sits on my lap to eat, on my livingroom furniture, hmmm yeah she's spoiled, I don't even like when Kevin does that... well not the lap part, that would be painful. When its bath day , it is more like Faith's spa day!! She is bathed in a tempid bath, with lots of bubbles, toys and love. She gets a massage, a constant stream of water to keep her warm, and lots of fun! She is cuddled dry - LOVE the ducky and princess towels with the hoods, so cute! Then she is smathered in baby lotion, poor thing this forced hot air, dry winter air is not kind to her delicate skin... more massaging, and giggles, and bonding! I love, absolutely LOVE heading to the drawers each day for the cute outfits! The sea of pink and purple just send me to the moon of glee!! IF there were such a place, that is where I'd live during morning time!! Off to blow dry, though we are still fighting the pigtails and barretts, we do enjoy a nice styling session , we are working on creating some body over the flat spot. She needs a hair cut but I am not sure if we are ready to tramatize a hairdresser for that yet :)))
It is amazing how good she is during the boys morning lesson time. We sit her at the table with us, she gets alternating things to do that seem to really make her happy, and of course, are highly educational !! She loves coloring, stickers, playdoh, and building blocks. We also feed her to buy us a little extra time, she is a big fan of goldfish. I just love watching little kids feed themselves, the little fingers deftly picking up fishes and JAMMING them in there mouths!! Oh wait, that is every member of this family!!
Faith is doing very well with her signing, and I have to remind myself often that its only been a month, when I get a little frustrated that she doesn't know more (that is how well things are going I really forgot the small amount of time we've had her). Her receptive vocabulary is amazing - she understands (and is even starting to sign most of these words in addition to potty and kiss): sorry, please, thank you, poop (yes poop I gotta know what she is or needs to do right!), sleep, bed, slippers, shoes, clothes, doll...well you get the picture, all of our signing vocabulary is exploding!! Now to learn how to string them together -- in all due time!!
She has been so gracious with all the guests, we are excepting visitors now, please feel free to call or email if you would like to meet her majesty. We especially like guests who bring dinner ... hee hee Just kidding (though we won't turn away pizza carrying visitors!!). She has warmed to all our friends and family, going to most who put out their hands to her, especially if they are near a light switch or any object she'd like to play with (of particular interest anything she ISN'T suppose to have!!) Faith is learning how to play with other children, still choosing to hoard whatever toys are placed for them to share, but then completely blowing us away by offering the toy to the other child so gently and sweetly. She does a little tilt of her head, looks them in the face, and pokes the toy at them. OH we've also learned how to sign cute and funny, as we've needed those 2 words with her a great deal!!
The Advent season has been extra special with her in our lives. The lights thrill her, the decorations amuse her, and we pray somehow we are helping her start to discover the true meaning of the season with a child's play nativity. Concrete thoughts we can teach - we point and sign, but this one, this love of God, this needs to come from His Holy Spirit, and we do trust He has already put it in her heart, and continue to pray for it to take hold and blossom in the days and years ahead. We look forward to her Christening on Feb 21st, we are so blessed that our Pastor has agreed to do a Mass, and for it to be just a celebration of her initiation into our Catholic Christian faith. It was a hard decision to wait until after the holidays, but when we saw that the best date was Feb. 21st, and realized it is the 2 year anniversary of our first meeting at the Adoption Agency it seemed the perfect fit (just another awesome Godcidence) in this journey of Faith!!
I am going to start blogging the back story - of how we got to this point. The story is so amazing, that I am still in awe that God allowed me to be a part ... IF I didn't believe in God before we started our adoption story, I certainly would be now!! We pray it blesses all who read it ... as much as it has blessed us!!
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Audiologist
We took Faith to the audiologist in Boston yesterday. Woke up at 6:00am, drove in 50 minutes (since I forgot to get in the HOV lane, oops), sat for 20 minutes to go to a 15 minute appointment where they resolved nothing. Yes, she's deaf, we kind of knew that.
Hopefully we will get some good leads and we did setup another appointment for January where they will put her to sleep and do a real test of her hearing testing all tones/frequencies or whatever else they do.
Then we took Ian on his birthday journey to Jordan's Furniture for a new mattress/tv deal. We also went to the Enchanted Village. It was packed for a weekday but worth the wait. I loved it when the fake snow kicked in, Faith thought that was cool, her reaction to it was cool, so excited she didn't know how to deal with it!
Hopefully we will get some good leads and we did setup another appointment for January where they will put her to sleep and do a real test of her hearing testing all tones/frequencies or whatever else they do.
Then we took Ian on his birthday journey to Jordan's Furniture for a new mattress/tv deal. We also went to the Enchanted Village. It was packed for a weekday but worth the wait. I loved it when the fake snow kicked in, Faith thought that was cool, her reaction to it was cool, so excited she didn't know how to deal with it!
Friday, December 4, 2009
Who knew I would ever have to do this!
Ok, so Faith is home and adjusting well. All blood work came back normal so that was good. Now to the bad. We needed stool samples to check for any internal parasites. On Monday Allison ran out for a quick errand. Faith decide now was the time to provide said sample.
Of course I consider myself a guy with a tough stomach, I worked in a cemetery for 7+ years, I've gutted fish, I thought this whole stool thing would be a walk in the park. No such luck! After nearly tossing the lunch monkey trying to put it in the vial I called Allison. God is good, she was near home and about to pull in the driveway. Crisis avoided, I kept my lunch and Allison took care of it.
Stool sample take two. Apparently they need another one two days later. Well, ok, I'm at work so Allison will take care of it. No such luck, Faith decided to hold her grunties and booms until I got home from work and also waited for Allison to head out for an event at St. Thomas. This time it was AJ to the rescue! He took care of it for me and I managed to hang on to dinner and lunch of Wednesday!
The things you have to go through! Humility was a gift well presented to me this week when I realized when it comes to "samples" I'm a big wussy.
I wasn't going to share this but figured we are sharing everything so this is indeed a part of the whole China adoption experience.
Thanks for taking part in this with us!
Of course I consider myself a guy with a tough stomach, I worked in a cemetery for 7+ years, I've gutted fish, I thought this whole stool thing would be a walk in the park. No such luck! After nearly tossing the lunch monkey trying to put it in the vial I called Allison. God is good, she was near home and about to pull in the driveway. Crisis avoided, I kept my lunch and Allison took care of it.
Stool sample take two. Apparently they need another one two days later. Well, ok, I'm at work so Allison will take care of it. No such luck, Faith decided to hold her grunties and booms until I got home from work and also waited for Allison to head out for an event at St. Thomas. This time it was AJ to the rescue! He took care of it for me and I managed to hang on to dinner and lunch of Wednesday!
The things you have to go through! Humility was a gift well presented to me this week when I realized when it comes to "samples" I'm a big wussy.
I wasn't going to share this but figured we are sharing everything so this is indeed a part of the whole China adoption experience.
Thanks for taking part in this with us!
Saturday, November 28, 2009
First Holidays
Faith's first Thanksgiving was very nice. We started the day by dressing her up in a new dress (thanks Karen C), black tights and black shiny shoes -- Kevin and I both got choked up when she toddled away from us. She even left her barretts in until we got to church. She was well behaved in Church, until Fr. Joe mentioned her during the Prayer of the Faithful, and she as if she KNEW, decided to be a nutcase, grabbing my glasses, wiggling around like the squid she is :) Attending Mass on Thanksgiving has been a long standing tradition, and it felt wonderful to be able to continue it with our newest member. There was so much to thank God for this year - being home, being safe, being with Faith, His blessings in 2009 were definitely more than a 1/2 hour mass could hold!!!
It really is still amazing beyond words how well she is adjusting to her new life. She was like a princess at Kevin's aunt's house - being doted on all day long. She was entertaining, sweet, a LITTLE crazy as she got tired (no nap), but all in all, a delight. We are so lucky that even if she misses her nap, she gets a little more rambuticous but doesn't melt down. Last night, she feel asleep on the way home and actually stayed asleep until the morning. It was so sweet, to see her nestled between her 2 big brothers for the ride to Fitchburg - it seemed so appropriate that we'd be back there for this Thanksgiving. It was 2 years ago at Thanksgiving dinner, that Ian let slip that we were adopting!!
Today began our first Christmas season with Faith. We put up our Christmas tree, she was napping, when we brought the tree down from the attic (yes we do the fake one, I like it up from the day after thanksgiving to the Epiphany!!). She was so funny pointing at this TREE in the middle of our livingroom. Even when she was playing, she'd stop now and then, and looking behind the couch, at that TREE thing in the middle of the room -- at this point it had no lights or decorations. Kevin had to run to Big Lots to replace some lights, so while we waited Faith and I had chocolate chip cookies...No silly not homemade -- slice and bake -- nothing better :))
There is nothing like the face of a child eating their first fresh from the oven, HOT, gooey chocolate chip cookie. We sat on the floor together, just inches apart, sharing this very special girl moment!! Her face was priceless - a grin that filled her whole face, and she kept signing 'Yummy', rubbing her belly and smacking her lips together lol!! She even 'toasted' me with her cookie - it was one of those moments I dreamt about having with my daughter!! Someday we'll actually MAKE the cookies together, baby steps. While we waited for the men to return, I brought out THIS HUGE box of board books I found in the basement today (we cleaned the basement - yeah!! I LOVE holiday cleaning!!) -- the teacher in me got excited to sit and look through book after book, beginning that language explosion that I know is just lurking below the surface. yeah, well not so much --- Faith is definitely a girl with a mind and agenda all her own!! She lined them all up, covering most of the floor, meticulously and busily placing them end to end. I love that every day has a new discovery for her, and for us who are watching her!!
Finally the boys returned from the store, and Kevin strung the lights. She climbed on the couch to get a closer look, she leaned against the back, face in her hands, and watched mesmerized!! We then took a break from decorating to eat Kale soup (she is still not a portagee -- no go on the linguica or kale lol).
After dinner, the ornament hanging began. We have a tradition of mom unwrapping or opening each ornament, and then together we tell the story of where it came from, and any back story that goes with the ornament. Our tradition had a little twist this year, a very EAGER helping beaver, who sadly wasn't hearing the stories, and just wanted to get the little pretty shiny thing on the light tree in the middle of her livingroom!! We still managed to get each story out, but MUCH quicker than previous years (ha ha). I was hesitant at first to let her handle the ornaments, not so much because they might break, but that once she new they were 'touchable, we might spend the next month wrestling them out of her paws. The quick learner, realized they were to go on, and that no one was taking them back off. She was totally bummed when the decorating was over, and when she saw me hanging the candy canes, flew over to help not happy until she had one in each hand -- wait til she finds out those are FOOD too, and REALLY yummy!
Tomorrow we are off to the Christmas store in Abington, we are so excited to see her reactions to everything about the holidays. In the next few weeks, we'll be taking her to LaSallette, to see the lights, and to continue our exposure to Christianity, and all the wonders that knowing and loving God holds for her. We know that at 3, most children are unaware of Christmas is more than presents, lights and decorations, and sugary treats. Heck, there are adults out there who still don't realize its more than those things - we know that all we can do is continue to cover all that this journey is in prayer!! Knowing that every day, every year will hold more firsts, and we can't expect all things to be revealed and clear overnight. Its the same as watching her line up books instead of read them, each day is filled with firsts, discoveries, and LOTS of surprises!
It really is still amazing beyond words how well she is adjusting to her new life. She was like a princess at Kevin's aunt's house - being doted on all day long. She was entertaining, sweet, a LITTLE crazy as she got tired (no nap), but all in all, a delight. We are so lucky that even if she misses her nap, she gets a little more rambuticous but doesn't melt down. Last night, she feel asleep on the way home and actually stayed asleep until the morning. It was so sweet, to see her nestled between her 2 big brothers for the ride to Fitchburg - it seemed so appropriate that we'd be back there for this Thanksgiving. It was 2 years ago at Thanksgiving dinner, that Ian let slip that we were adopting!!
Today began our first Christmas season with Faith. We put up our Christmas tree, she was napping, when we brought the tree down from the attic (yes we do the fake one, I like it up from the day after thanksgiving to the Epiphany!!). She was so funny pointing at this TREE in the middle of our livingroom. Even when she was playing, she'd stop now and then, and looking behind the couch, at that TREE thing in the middle of the room -- at this point it had no lights or decorations. Kevin had to run to Big Lots to replace some lights, so while we waited Faith and I had chocolate chip cookies...No silly not homemade -- slice and bake -- nothing better :))
There is nothing like the face of a child eating their first fresh from the oven, HOT, gooey chocolate chip cookie. We sat on the floor together, just inches apart, sharing this very special girl moment!! Her face was priceless - a grin that filled her whole face, and she kept signing 'Yummy', rubbing her belly and smacking her lips together lol!! She even 'toasted' me with her cookie - it was one of those moments I dreamt about having with my daughter!! Someday we'll actually MAKE the cookies together, baby steps. While we waited for the men to return, I brought out THIS HUGE box of board books I found in the basement today (we cleaned the basement - yeah!! I LOVE holiday cleaning!!) -- the teacher in me got excited to sit and look through book after book, beginning that language explosion that I know is just lurking below the surface. yeah, well not so much --- Faith is definitely a girl with a mind and agenda all her own!! She lined them all up, covering most of the floor, meticulously and busily placing them end to end. I love that every day has a new discovery for her, and for us who are watching her!!
Finally the boys returned from the store, and Kevin strung the lights. She climbed on the couch to get a closer look, she leaned against the back, face in her hands, and watched mesmerized!! We then took a break from decorating to eat Kale soup (she is still not a portagee -- no go on the linguica or kale lol).
After dinner, the ornament hanging began. We have a tradition of mom unwrapping or opening each ornament, and then together we tell the story of where it came from, and any back story that goes with the ornament. Our tradition had a little twist this year, a very EAGER helping beaver, who sadly wasn't hearing the stories, and just wanted to get the little pretty shiny thing on the light tree in the middle of her livingroom!! We still managed to get each story out, but MUCH quicker than previous years (ha ha). I was hesitant at first to let her handle the ornaments, not so much because they might break, but that once she new they were 'touchable, we might spend the next month wrestling them out of her paws. The quick learner, realized they were to go on, and that no one was taking them back off. She was totally bummed when the decorating was over, and when she saw me hanging the candy canes, flew over to help not happy until she had one in each hand -- wait til she finds out those are FOOD too, and REALLY yummy!
Tomorrow we are off to the Christmas store in Abington, we are so excited to see her reactions to everything about the holidays. In the next few weeks, we'll be taking her to LaSallette, to see the lights, and to continue our exposure to Christianity, and all the wonders that knowing and loving God holds for her. We know that at 3, most children are unaware of Christmas is more than presents, lights and decorations, and sugary treats. Heck, there are adults out there who still don't realize its more than those things - we know that all we can do is continue to cover all that this journey is in prayer!! Knowing that every day, every year will hold more firsts, and we can't expect all things to be revealed and clear overnight. Its the same as watching her line up books instead of read them, each day is filled with firsts, discoveries, and LOTS of surprises!
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Things I'd love to know...
I'd love to know how Faith feels about her new family and life. I would love to get into that beautiful little head and know what she is thinking and feeling. On the outside, she seems pretty darn good! It is just amazing, I know I say that in every blog, but truly it is!! She has warmed up to every new visitor she has had, I believe going to each one who has extended their arms to her. She's even cuddled a few of them, almost instinctively knowing that these strangers are now family.
One of the first days back was very warm, so Kevin and I took her for a walk in her cool new stroller - it is a Jeep (like Kevin's car), and has a steering wheel - she was so funny driving all over her new town. As the sun shone brightly, REALLY brightly compared to the muted smog filled world she came from, I couldn't help but wonder, what does she think of this big yellow orb thing that is making her squint, or warming her face. I wondered what she thought of these tiny buildings, aka single family homes, something I am fairly sure she'd never seen before, and what about stripes of no houses or buildings at all - just trees as far as the eye can see. Air you can breath, sun you can see, and crisp cool air - what was running through her mind at such things.
I was so worried about her being nearly 4 years old, and all the firsts we would miss. A friend who had also adopted an older child, reminded me that there was still many firsts to come, that everything would be a first to us - first time sleeping in her own bed (check), first american holiday (we'll check than one off tomorrow), first time driving in a car with a seat belt ( check), first time peeing into a cup at the doctor's office (happily that was an easier check than expect). We've loved watching her experience pizza (she eats it upside down, which avoids burning the roof of you mouth off, so we have decided that all those people who told us the girls from Wuhan were cleaver were right on!!). Monday, she had her first trip to Walmart , although they have them in China, we doubt that she was ever brought there. I did anticipate lots of grabbing and wanting , but she did great - no whining for things, she did reach out for everything we took off the shelves, but quicker caught on that it went in the cart, and would take them from us, and put them in the cart for us!! She is a big helper - yes, she continues to help with the dishes, absolutely LIGHTS UP when we open the dishwasher!!
Today, as I got her out of bed, and she cuddled right up into my arms, my ponder of the day was -- how many mornings was she cuddled awake. How often was there someone there as soon as her eyes opened, and she made the first squeak of the morning. I know there was no one there signing "Good Morning" and scooping her into there arms for morning squeezes, kisses, and tickles. She just collapses against us, and spends the next hour trying to get back into our arms or on our laps for more cuddles, kisses and tickles. How often did someone spend 10 to 15 minutes massaging or itching her back, just letting her lay against them feeling their breathing with hers, the warmth of a mother's love, and the strength of a dad's arms around you. How often was she bathed with bubbles and toys, and played with until the water was cold, and then wrapped tight in a princess towel and cuddled dry. And yet, when I hold her, when she lays her head lovingly against my chest, what I think is THANK YOU JESUS for this little girl, thank you for bringing her to ME, thank you for all the joy she brings me!!!
So much to be thankful for , so much!! Happy Thanksgiving my dear friends, family and supporters - may you be Blessed beyond Measure today and every day!!
One of the first days back was very warm, so Kevin and I took her for a walk in her cool new stroller - it is a Jeep (like Kevin's car), and has a steering wheel - she was so funny driving all over her new town. As the sun shone brightly, REALLY brightly compared to the muted smog filled world she came from, I couldn't help but wonder, what does she think of this big yellow orb thing that is making her squint, or warming her face. I wondered what she thought of these tiny buildings, aka single family homes, something I am fairly sure she'd never seen before, and what about stripes of no houses or buildings at all - just trees as far as the eye can see. Air you can breath, sun you can see, and crisp cool air - what was running through her mind at such things.
I was so worried about her being nearly 4 years old, and all the firsts we would miss. A friend who had also adopted an older child, reminded me that there was still many firsts to come, that everything would be a first to us - first time sleeping in her own bed (check), first american holiday (we'll check than one off tomorrow), first time driving in a car with a seat belt ( check), first time peeing into a cup at the doctor's office (happily that was an easier check than expect). We've loved watching her experience pizza (she eats it upside down, which avoids burning the roof of you mouth off, so we have decided that all those people who told us the girls from Wuhan were cleaver were right on!!). Monday, she had her first trip to Walmart , although they have them in China, we doubt that she was ever brought there. I did anticipate lots of grabbing and wanting , but she did great - no whining for things, she did reach out for everything we took off the shelves, but quicker caught on that it went in the cart, and would take them from us, and put them in the cart for us!! She is a big helper - yes, she continues to help with the dishes, absolutely LIGHTS UP when we open the dishwasher!!
Today, as I got her out of bed, and she cuddled right up into my arms, my ponder of the day was -- how many mornings was she cuddled awake. How often was there someone there as soon as her eyes opened, and she made the first squeak of the morning. I know there was no one there signing "Good Morning" and scooping her into there arms for morning squeezes, kisses, and tickles. She just collapses against us, and spends the next hour trying to get back into our arms or on our laps for more cuddles, kisses and tickles. How often did someone spend 10 to 15 minutes massaging or itching her back, just letting her lay against them feeling their breathing with hers, the warmth of a mother's love, and the strength of a dad's arms around you. How often was she bathed with bubbles and toys, and played with until the water was cold, and then wrapped tight in a princess towel and cuddled dry. And yet, when I hold her, when she lays her head lovingly against my chest, what I think is THANK YOU JESUS for this little girl, thank you for bringing her to ME, thank you for all the joy she brings me!!!
So much to be thankful for , so much!! Happy Thanksgiving my dear friends, family and supporters - may you be Blessed beyond Measure today and every day!!
Sunday, November 22, 2009
To Church we went!
Took the squid to Church probably for the first time in her 3 1/2 year life! Yeah, Faith was a squid, she kept Ian and I very occupied but still got to hear the readings and the gospel - Christ the King - that was cool.
She's apparently famous there - we were waiting in line for the potty and a guy said "Oh is she the one who just got home from China, congratulations!".
She's apparently famous there - we were waiting in line for the potty and a guy said "Oh is she the one who just got home from China, congratulations!".
Wonderful Day
It is hard to believe its only been a week since we arrived back home. Its even harder to believe that its been only 2 weeks or so since we recieved Faith FengHua into our family. As I drove to Adoration this afternoon, I was just struck with awe at how well she is doing adjusting to her new life. Children's resilency is mindboggling sometimes. The Grace that God has lavished on her, is so evident in her happy disposition, and overall acceptance of the new life she has been given. She has met so many new people in the last few days - and we've been so impressed by how friendly - sincerely giving everyone a chance, no rejecting behavior we initially saw in Wuhan. different from the little girl who spurned everyone but Kevin (and our adorable Chinese guide in Wuhan).
Today (well now this with be Saturday, which was a day ago, but I literally FELL asleep typing this last night - oh Jet Lag when will we part ways!!) anyway, it was so much fun, I wanted to share ...
Faith slept in til almost 8 a.m. !! There is hope yet we'll break her into our sleeping in habits yet (side note: its Sunday 7:30 and princess is STILL asleep and fyi in HER OWN bed!! yeah)!! She had her usual breakfast of drinkable yogurt, bread, and fruit. She was very cuddly with Momma this morning, which just warms my heart so much! As you can well imagine, its amazing after our rocky start. I am so grateful in the loving wise guidance of the Holy Spirit, providing us insights on building attachments that we'd never have known without Him. Everyday she and I grow closer and closer, she seems to trust me to provide for her, but moreso to be a source of comfort and love. I often wonder did she ever have this much attention, physical contact or language before?
After breakfast, I gave her a bath, we've moved into her bathing alone, but with lots of massages, tickles, and Mommy fun interaction - just warmer for me from the sidelines especially for my old body :) At one point she laid on her belly, propped up her head on her right hand, and just lied there while I rubbed and massaged her back and legs, she is such the queen (as rightly she should be!). Guess I am catching on to why she is starting to like me - I'd be pretty fond of someone who massaged me several times a day! We moved to wearing underwear under her pull up, since they are always dry, it is time to give up that safety net - not at night for a while, nothing worse than being awaken in the middle of the night to change a wet kid, wet bed , and wet pjs :) After our post bath tea party and dress up session (see pic of picassa), it was time to clean the house.
I thought she'd stay behind in her room to play, but nope, she not only wanted to shadow me, she seems to have a real interest in helping me clean -- maybe she figured we'd head back to the playing quicker if she helped :) She vacuumed, so cute!! After we finished the actually vacuuming of the room, I turned off the vacuum, thinking I'll outsmart the deaf kid, she'll never know the difference. Think again Mom!! See she still has other senses, sharpened by the loss of the one -- so first she noticed the LIGHT on the sweeper was OFF, and next it was no longer vibrating her arm, she quickly went to work figuring out how to get it back on - -I believe it took less than 5 minutes!! However, after figuring out how to turn it on she choose to just stand in the hall holding on the vacuum, but not moving it back and forth , just standing there. I think proud of herself for figuring out how to turn it out she wanted to bask in her victory, but I guess had done enough cleaning!!
WE also put away the dishes, she was so funny handing me one dish at a time, and just beaming!! It was nice to have someone down low to pick up the dishes, no bending required, perfect for the sore back (my body is so much older than the rest of me!) Gaining in age from all the lifting and carrying of our darling cherub who has happily started to put a little meat on her own scrawny boned frame!! She'll be up past that 15 percentile in no time!!
Our lives are settling into the new normal, just remarkably faster than I ever expected. Kevin has returned to work, and activities such as cub scouts with Adam. I was able to return to my Thursday night and Saturday afternoon Adoration times -- these are the things I missed the most! That quiet contemplated time with the Lord, so crucial to continually growing my relationship with Jesus , sure I can pray at home, and KNOW He is always with me, but actually coming into the real presence, of shutting off the world, and giving God an hour or so undivided attention strengthens me for the rest of hours and days ahead!! Kevin questioned the smoothness of the adjustment, sort of cautious to marvel in how easy it appears to have been or be. My answer, besides the realization that we have many challenges ahead - I mean some day she WILL be a teenage girl!! My response though today was to remind us both that this journey has been COVERED in prayer - and the prayers of God's people will not be ignored, there is power in prayer, and where 2 or more are gathered in His Name He will hear and answer... Thank you all our prayer warriors, every joy we share, we SHARE with each of you!! Every smile we are blessed to enjoy, we enjoy with you! God bless, have an amazing Sunday -- as we venture to Church for the first time , please know you are ALL in our prayers!
Today (well now this with be Saturday, which was a day ago, but I literally FELL asleep typing this last night - oh Jet Lag when will we part ways!!) anyway, it was so much fun, I wanted to share ...
Faith slept in til almost 8 a.m. !! There is hope yet we'll break her into our sleeping in habits yet (side note: its Sunday 7:30 and princess is STILL asleep and fyi in HER OWN bed!! yeah)!! She had her usual breakfast of drinkable yogurt, bread, and fruit. She was very cuddly with Momma this morning, which just warms my heart so much! As you can well imagine, its amazing after our rocky start. I am so grateful in the loving wise guidance of the Holy Spirit, providing us insights on building attachments that we'd never have known without Him. Everyday she and I grow closer and closer, she seems to trust me to provide for her, but moreso to be a source of comfort and love. I often wonder did she ever have this much attention, physical contact or language before?
After breakfast, I gave her a bath, we've moved into her bathing alone, but with lots of massages, tickles, and Mommy fun interaction - just warmer for me from the sidelines especially for my old body :) At one point she laid on her belly, propped up her head on her right hand, and just lied there while I rubbed and massaged her back and legs, she is such the queen (as rightly she should be!). Guess I am catching on to why she is starting to like me - I'd be pretty fond of someone who massaged me several times a day! We moved to wearing underwear under her pull up, since they are always dry, it is time to give up that safety net - not at night for a while, nothing worse than being awaken in the middle of the night to change a wet kid, wet bed , and wet pjs :) After our post bath tea party and dress up session (see pic of picassa), it was time to clean the house.
I thought she'd stay behind in her room to play, but nope, she not only wanted to shadow me, she seems to have a real interest in helping me clean -- maybe she figured we'd head back to the playing quicker if she helped :) She vacuumed, so cute!! After we finished the actually vacuuming of the room, I turned off the vacuum, thinking I'll outsmart the deaf kid, she'll never know the difference. Think again Mom!! See she still has other senses, sharpened by the loss of the one -- so first she noticed the LIGHT on the sweeper was OFF, and next it was no longer vibrating her arm, she quickly went to work figuring out how to get it back on - -I believe it took less than 5 minutes!! However, after figuring out how to turn it on she choose to just stand in the hall holding on the vacuum, but not moving it back and forth , just standing there. I think proud of herself for figuring out how to turn it out she wanted to bask in her victory, but I guess had done enough cleaning!!
WE also put away the dishes, she was so funny handing me one dish at a time, and just beaming!! It was nice to have someone down low to pick up the dishes, no bending required, perfect for the sore back (my body is so much older than the rest of me!) Gaining in age from all the lifting and carrying of our darling cherub who has happily started to put a little meat on her own scrawny boned frame!! She'll be up past that 15 percentile in no time!!
Our lives are settling into the new normal, just remarkably faster than I ever expected. Kevin has returned to work, and activities such as cub scouts with Adam. I was able to return to my Thursday night and Saturday afternoon Adoration times -- these are the things I missed the most! That quiet contemplated time with the Lord, so crucial to continually growing my relationship with Jesus , sure I can pray at home, and KNOW He is always with me, but actually coming into the real presence, of shutting off the world, and giving God an hour or so undivided attention strengthens me for the rest of hours and days ahead!! Kevin questioned the smoothness of the adjustment, sort of cautious to marvel in how easy it appears to have been or be. My answer, besides the realization that we have many challenges ahead - I mean some day she WILL be a teenage girl!! My response though today was to remind us both that this journey has been COVERED in prayer - and the prayers of God's people will not be ignored, there is power in prayer, and where 2 or more are gathered in His Name He will hear and answer... Thank you all our prayer warriors, every joy we share, we SHARE with each of you!! Every smile we are blessed to enjoy, we enjoy with you! God bless, have an amazing Sunday -- as we venture to Church for the first time , please know you are ALL in our prayers!
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